No, the FAT woman doesn't live here anymore

[jimmie 48]

Originally posted by Dreamof145, her words from 2004 still apply today. Thank you, Becky, for your inspiration over the years.

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When I was growing up, food was used as a reward. If you made good grades or got a part in the school play…you got your favorite meal and a cake or dessert. It didn’t help that my six sisters and brother were all thin. I was a fat child and I remember spending a lot of days at the window looking across the street at a Methodist Church and crying to God that I wanted to be like the other kids and if I couldn’t, then I’d rather be dead.

In high school, I was FAT. I wrote for the school newspaper, was on the swim team and the bowling team, but I was not happy. My family was dysfunctional and I was fat. Need I say more? I ate to be happy. The more I ate, the less happy I got, but I kept eating and looking for happiness.

After High School, I got a job as an executive secretary. My boss was meaner than Archie Bunker. He was obnoxious, rude and very critical. The money was great, so I listened to him cut me down and complain all day, then I’d go home and eat to get the nerve to go back the next day and do it all again. There was another girl in my office and he was nice to her. She had been there for over ten years, but I thought he treated her nicer because she was skinny. I decided to get skinny. I took up smoking and quit eating. I got down to 122 pounds. Funny thing is I still wasn’t happy. My boss still treated me badly and I was emotionally and physically hungry all the time.

I quit that job finally and started working at a factory. I had a lot of dates when I got skinny, but they all wanted to take me out to dinner. And you guessed it…eat and gain the weight back. I quit dating and eating once again. I got skinny again. The factory shut down and I moved to Texas. I met my husband and we married a year later. I was 122 pounds when we married. He never met the fat lady till a few years later in our marriage. I got pregnant the first year and tried to keep my weight down. Pregnancy scared me. I didn’t want to balloon up and every waking minute I thought about how not to get fat while pregnant. I gained 8 pounds with her. After I had the baby, I was constantly hungry. I ate my way up to 135 pounds. Three years later, I got pregnant again. Once again, I worried about weight gain. I gained 10 pounds with her. Afterwards, I went up to 150 pounds. Through both pregnancies, the doctors were furious with me and threatened to put me in the hospital. It didn’t scare me as much as gaining weight scared me, so I continued to diet while I was pregnant. I was so foolish and very thankful that both my daughters were born healthy.

While my husband was in the military, I had lots of friends. These are friends that you are forced into because you are in different countries and you have so much in common. The trouble is that few of these friendships last after you move or they move away. We sent Christmas cards to each other over the years, but didn’t stay the bosom buddies we’d been when we were living by one another.

When we got out of the military, I was fat, lonely and ugly. I didn’t want to be friends with anyone. Even going to the grocery store caused me a lot of pain and anguish. For the next 12 years, I ate my way up to 285 pounds.

I’d always written things down. I am a writer and although I didn’t want to meet people or let anyone get to know me, I was fascinated by people and relationships. I found I could make up friends in my stories and live through their lives. They could go out and do things that I never dared do. I stayed inside and lived my life through the things my characters did. And my stories were good because they were filled with lots of emotions and feelings that I wished I had. I joined a local writing club and that one meeting a month was the highlight in my life. I loved being around the other writers and listening to them, but I never ever spoke to them and as soon as the meetings were over, I bolted for the door and drove away fast. I never stayed to socialize. I didn’t want them to see me or get to know me. I was so ashamed of myself.

Now, I am a new person thanks to Atkins and to all of you. I wonder sometimes why I didn't find Atkins sooner, but I think I wasn't ready to appreciate it or all of you. I am now in the right attitude and had hit such a low in my life that I am serious about losing and committed to changing my life both mentaly and physically.

I am the first person to the meetings, and the last to leave. When I leave, I am always surrounded by people who want to know my opinion on things or ask me to help them with their writing. I have become an active member of my writing club. I love my life. I want to talk to everyone and find out what they are writing and doing with their lives. I don’t worry about what they think I look like.

I know I am still overweight, but I am losing and feeling better about myself. I do things now with my grandkids. I go places with my daughters. I’m a better mom, grandma and wife for my family. I’m excited about my future for the first time ever. I am stronger than I ever knew I could be. I am happy. I know that I can deal with whatever problems come into my life with a positive manner and I will not give up. I am a new person inside and out. Sorry so long...but I just wanted to share my story. I've come so far and I am so thankful.