Fear of success

[Kinkay]

I know it sounds odd, but that's what I seem to have. Everytime I do well, as in eat well and do my four mile power walk, I'll PURPOSELY eat something that'll knock me out of ketosis. It takes all the power I have to resist screwing myself up. I've had great success with Atkins before, but my subconscious seems to fear looking pretty and being confident. Honestly.

I gained the 19 lbs in two months, and because I've become so ashamed of myself, I stopped showing myself in public. It's gone on for about a month. I had to talk to the university counselor today because I'm going to fail this term. My depression has taken over, and I seem to have lost the power to fight back. I wake up every morning, dreading the day, and I end up staying in bed. OF course, that means I miss school and work. Despite what others tell me, I can't just "get on with it". I literally have NO control over my mind.

I fear taking the Effexor my doctor gave me because I don't want to stall my weight loss. But I'm not even losing weight.

Every minute of every day, my mind is fighting a battle. I'm always looking for ways to destroy myself, and the side who tries to do some good always loses.

I'm scared that I've become so used to hiding from the world that I can't succeed in losing weight, something I was SO good at in the past.

I'm sorry, I just had to rant.

[Moochiecat]

You are doing the right thing by going to a doctor and a counsellor, and I urge you to keep on going. If you have fears of taking the medication, please talk to them both about it. I don't think any of us are qualified to offer advice, but we sure can offer a shoulder.

You have a few issues going on here...the depression, the concern about your weight, and perhaps other things. You can't fix them all at once...it may take some time to deal with them all...and you need to give yourself that time.

People come on here and say "I have a cold/migrane/whatever, am I allowed to take this or that medication?" and we always tell them that their health needs to be attended to, and if they need to take something, take it, and get better. Sometimes you have to recognize that the benefit of the medication far outweighs the possible side effects. You need to deal with one problem in order to have the resources to deal with the other problems..see what I mean?

Work closely with your doctor and counsellor...depression and anxiety are frightening things, but they can be dealt with...there is light at the end of this tunnel...really there is.

While you are doing this, why not do more of a low carb plan rather than have the pressure of full-on Atkins? You know which foods are better for you to eat, so avoid the bad and take in the good...a day at a time, a meal at a time, a bite at a time if need be.

Do the best you can, and give yourself some credit for reaching out for help with this, rather than completely hiding away. You are already on the road to recovery if you are talking to people about this...and that's a very good thing.

[Brook]

((((((((Kinkay)))))))))

I think you'll be amazed if/when you figure out how many people are in the same or in a similar boat as you are right now.

Take the Effexor. Get rid of the cloud hanging over your head so that you can work at being a happier, more successful YOU. The rest will fall into place. It really will.

The weight is not what defines us. Our ability to gain it/lose it/maintain it isn't what defines us. For me, it tends to be a symptom of everything else that's going on in my life. When I get my life under control, the weight portion of it tends to follow. Of course, this is just me, but it might be you too!

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

I don't have much else to add other than one more hug - just because it sounds as though you need reminding that you're deserving of support, love, and a cheer leading section - and you have all of those things in us. (((((((Hugs)))))))

~Brook

[2big4mysize]

yep what they said. get the chemicals in your brain back in balance with your meds and you will be amazed at how other things will follow.

hang in there.

[tabekat]

Just sitting there breathing, you are all that you ever needed to be. You are perfection.

How do you know you aren't a success? What if your goal for the day was to stay in bed? You did it! Have some fun with this.

I once read about a woman who was completely paralyzed, who woke every morning believing what a miracle it was to be alive. Her goal for every day was just to stay alive in bed. All day, everyday.

For all you know, you may very well be on the right track and instead of being ashamed, be proud of yourself. You breathed today. You wrote the ADBB today. You were accountable today. You are a success.

The point is readjust your expectations to match what you are capable of and waste no time in self-recrimination. Never compare yourself to others. Your entire life, the most important romance you will ever have is with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Would you berate a puppy if he didn't want to get out of bed? Sometimes we are kinder to our pets than we are to ourselves.

As for me, I take prozac, and its a godsend. It gives me the ability to cope. I consider it my brain vitamin. I feel so good when I take my brain vitamin. Whats wrong with taking a vitamin?

As for college, there is always NEXT semester and the next semester after that. We never stop learning. Relax. You can always do it later. Be loving to yourself. It is okay to do things at a different pace than other people. It really is.


You don't need to hide. How boring it would be if we all looked and acted the same. Would you want a world where no one had any imperfections? These little imprefections give us humor, and character. They give us hope. Display yours with pride.