1 year on Atkins

[stephbob]

I can't believe I forgot!!! I just happened to be posting in Journal Chats, and I looked at my signature, and saw that my ticker said "7 hours remaining".

Tomorrow marks 1 whole year on Atkins. 365 days of dedication (for the most part!) and at least I reached, and exceeded my target for the year - by a pound!

A year ago, I was sat in Turkey, my last night of duty with my job out there, and I remember looking at my lovely meal of bread and butter thinking to myself "Thank God I go home tomorrow, one more breadroll and I may use the butterknife in a wrongful way..."

I spent the whole time in Turkey miserable, basically. I felt huge, I felt ugly compared to everyone else there, and I felt too uncomfortable to join in with them in the pools, the mudbaths, the saunas.

I came home from Turkey, and I remember the first thing I did was go to the bathroom and weigh myself, and I was horrified (to put it mildly) to see that I was weighing in at 170lbs. I had always been a small child, and up until I was 14 and started to suffer badly with Social Anxiety and depression, I had been on watch by my doctor for being underweight. All of a sudden, I was eating 2 meals at a time! And the pounds just piled on.

So a year ago today, I went to bed swearing to myself that I would lose the weight, that I would do something to make me feel good about myself. I wasn't going to be miserable anymore, because if I hated myself, who else would love me?

The actual entry I wrote in my LiveJournal

So I got out my book, I read it, I put my mind to it, and despite everyone saying I wouldn't stick to it, I did!

I lost the first 20lbs or so relatively easily. The difficulty came in February when I went back to Florida, and suddenly, I found myself back in my old habits, eating out at all the wrong places, taking advantage of delicious chinese buffets for $6.95, lol. The day after I landed, I hit the shops, and excitedly bought myself a whole new wardrobe for my new figure - I was now a size 6, a far cry from the frumpy size 16 I had been when I started. But after just 3 weeks, I was unable to fit into anything. So, I restarted, got back on track well, and I hovered around the 136-140 mark until June. June, again, Kim Wu's buffet got the best of me, and I just kept gaining until I was up to 148! I came back to the UK in July, and once again gave myself another boost, but with so many problems at home, it was almost impossible to get my mind to focus on my eating. My dad was in hospital with a heart problem and awaiting surgery, I was worrying about US visas, money, the usual. I managed to get to 142 without really thinking about it. My goal of being 135 by my first anniversary seemed to have gone through the window.

August, maybe a new start? Not really. August, I lost my job, then a few weeks later, after all the stress of US immigration, my fiance decided that he'd had enough and that he just didnt want to be in a relationship with me anymore. To say I was heartbroken is an understatement. It's been 3 weeks, and I'm still hurting as much as ever. For the first 2 weeks, I didn't eat a morsel of food. I couldn't. I tried to eat something, anything, and I'd be sick. In just 7 days, I went from a bloated 148 to 134, was malnurished and severly dehydrated. 3 or 4 attempts at the hospital got nowhere, and I was simply told to leave, go home and try to drink more water and not throw up. Great advice, right?

As I said, it's been 3 weeks since we broke up, and although I'm eating now, I'm still worrying about a million other things in my life, which I won't go into. I'm eating maybe 1 big meal and a snack, or 2 smaller meals a day, but I'm controling my weight. I'm doing the best I can do given the circumstances, and I'm still in at 134, which I think is excellent.

My overall goal would be 120 lbs, but judging my body now, I'm really not sure if that's feasable or not. I think I have reached my goal in lbs, and now I'll just dedicate myself to keeping myself like this, toning up, and learning to accept myself.

Because it's not all about what the scale or the tape measure say - it's about how you like you. You can be 100lbs and hate yourself, you could be 300lbs and love yourself. There's no right or wrong. As long as you're healthy and happy, that's what matters.

The only 'bad' thing I have to say is that, boy, I wish I could see two of my ex-best friends right now and rub it in their faces! They always took any chance to use me as the fat friend, the one that next to them, made them look $1,000,000! Not anymore! I may make the 7 hour journey just to do that, hehe

[ttdriver]

WTG GIRLFRIEND!! Congratulations on a fabulous job well-done! You look terrific, you've proved all the skeptics wrong and YOU ROCK!!

Many many many more happy healthy years for you!!

Betty

[stephbob]

Thank you! I can't wait to see my mom tomorrow and scream in her face that I made it! lol She was the biggest skeptic of all, but even she had to admit at Christmas that she was surprised I'd made it, but was proud of me

[dotsamantha]

You've done so awesome!!

[adreliluc]

That's awesome Steph! You've done soooooo well, a true inspiration to all of us!
Someday you'll run into those old friends of yours and you'll strut your stuff...
Keep it up girl!

[Desertthorn]

What an awesome anniverary Post. Congratulations Steph, you have done a marvelous job.

[Bren]

ahhh Stef. You touch my heart! You are a beautiful woman, inside and out.

[ladyinred]

Congratulations Steph!! I'm so proud of you!

[DragonflyMoon]

Way to go, Steph! You are such an inspiration ~ congratulations on an amazing year!

[bluedreams123]

You look great -- congratulations