seven years of abuse

[Andiepie81]

Well here goes..I know this is not a place to spill your heart but I felt like maybe it would help to get some advice and support from others that have been and that are in the same place I am. I am 25 and was with my ex for 7 years. I have a beautiful son with him. Durring that seven years I went from 134 lbs to 235. He is very athletic and shallow. I was always humiliated by him calling me fat and disgusting and embaressing. He even said this infront of family and friends. He refused to go out in public with me saying I was an embaressment.We did not go out toghter for 2 years. I wasent even allowed at his grandfathers funeral. Now I left the man and even remarried the most understanding and beautiful man in the world. But I am having issues, i wont go out to dinner with him ( i dont want to be seen) I will not let him see me fully naked or in the light. I dont know how to get through this. I know I am a great mom, wife and person. But how can I change my thinking of being worth something. I dont want to put my husband through this. I know he loves me and thinks im beautiful..he tells me everyday. I guess my plea is...if anyone else has delt with this please help me. And oh yeah I have lost 5lbs. in 3 days!!!!

[abstractillusions]

Andie, i know this may sound like a flob off but it really isn't, you went through abuse that has basically "scarred" you, you need to heal, so maybe it might be beneficial to see someone. I lived for 7+ years with a Man who would literally slap food out of my hand if he thought i was gaining weight. If he "thought" i looked fat i was not allowed to eat. Of course after all this when i left him i gained over 100 lbs in the last 5 years and i have spent 5 years of gaining this weight hinder my recovering from my relationship with him and it has completely disallowed me from having health rellationships with anyone because i am so conscious of how i look and being fat. Talking to someone will help you put into perspective what happened, and it will also give you a starting point. The self-image you have didn't happen overnight and it won't go away overnight. But with some help, your supportive family etc, you will regain your power back. Right now, you are allowing your ex the power, slowly but surely you will take back your power.

[hey_nelson]

Andie, as you lose, your self image with rise. Don't let the jerk you were once with rent space in your head forever hun. Don't allow him to control you even if his physical presence is gone. Look what you are doing, you are living a differet WOL with a man who you say is: the most understanding,.

When you allow yourself to love yourself, you will have the freedom from your fears.
peace and prayers to you
patty

[Fatalblue]

I really feel for you. I can tell that you're hurting but you have a lot of strength too. It's not easy to get out of a relationship like that but you did it, that takes courage. Not only that, but you were able to find a good guy who loves you and accepts you for who you are. That's wonderful.

It's hard to overcome years of being told such negative things. Maybe you can make a list of goals that you have. Things that you want to change. You've already gone through the big steps by leaving your abusive ex and finding a good husband. Figure out what goals you have, like going to dinner, and put the goals in order from least difficult to most difficult. If it's hard to order them, go through one by one and rate it on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being least difficult/uncomfortable and 10 being most difficult/uncomfortable.

Then make a check list and try to accomplish one goal a week, maybe two if you have a lot. Do the small goals first. Keep at your goals until you begin to feel fairly comfortable doing them. You can do it!

[ShannonK]

I think that you should go out to dinner with him, for him. If he is the Man that you say that he is and he loves you and thinks that you are beautiful, then you are doing him a FAVOR by being seen with him. Make sure that you don't belittle his feelings. If he thinks that you are all that, then maybe you are!

Have you ever seen an old dear man look lovingly at his sweet old wife? Don't you think he thinks that she is wonderful? Should she stay out of the public eye because she has wrinkles?

Stand tall, my friend.

[sugarfreeone]

My father did this to me throughout my entire childhood and young adult life....He could be very subtle and also very cruel at times. He still feels that he was only trying to motivate me to be "better"...He still occasionally says things about my weight and I am 35.... I myself don't know how to escape or heal the very deep scars that he has placed on my soul....my self worth and self esteem is nearly non-existent.....I sympathize with you in a very real way. Get some counseling. It will probably help. I believe it is what I need to do as well.

(((Hugs)))
Kat

EDIT

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