Need some help with my mother

[changing]

My mother is one of the kindest, funniest, and most generous people I have ever known. That said, she is also one of the most disordered eaters. At 51, she still struggles with the persistent bulimia she's fought my entire life. Over the years, she's had constant dental problems and digestive surgery, but has never developed a healthy relationship with eating. She went on Atkins with my dad a few years ago to help support him; he stuck with it and lost 50 lbs, she lasted about 3 weeks before going back to binging. She said she likes to switch diets every month to shock her metabolism. I love her and worry about her so much.

My biggest problem, however, is I'm sure that it's really affected me mentally, as far as food goes. I remember going with her to Weight Watchers and aerobics class when I was 6 years old, dancing cheerfully on the sidelines, proud that I had the thinnest, youngest-looking mommy. I have two sisters, and all three of us have practiced purging for some period of time. I had a year in college when I really struggled with it. At the time, I was living with my mother. She overheard me in the bathroom one night and was waiting outside the door. "Oh *&%)," I thought. "Honey," she said. "You didn't rinse. Make sure you rinse afterwards to protect your teeth." I was stunned. And now, a few years later, that conversation horrifies me.

I feel like I have a good attitude about this diet. I love it. I don't even want to cheat. My mom is skeptical, however, and cuts me down with comments like, "Well, you're much bigger than I am, so you need this extreme diet." To which I've replied, "Mom, what's so extreme about eating salad every day?" I feel guilty being catty though.

Also, I know deep down inside that one of the big reasons I am trying to become healthier and truly fit (I ran cross-country in junior high/high school and want to be able to run 3 miles again!), is so that I won't end up like her. And knowing that makes me feel guilty. I love my mother so it seems disrespectful to strive to be different in that way.

Sorry for the long post--I've just been dying to get that out to someone other than my husband, who is a sweet gem, but is not known for his verbal contributions. Thank you to whoever takes the time to read this.

[Connie]

If you really love your mother, showing her that you can be thin and healthy by changing your eating habits for life is probably the best thing you can do for yourself and her.

Binge eating and purging is so dangerous and unheathy, but its also an emtional issue that should be dealt with through therapy.

My very best of luck to you and your Mom.

[Desertthorn]

Wow, your poor Mom, thats a very sad story. You have to do your own thing, thats all there is to it. Purging is so unhealthy. Stick with us, kiddo, your glowing health will be the only inspiration that you need.

[sillygirl]

Hi Changing! Welcome to this board. Please concentrate on yourself and try not to let others interfere with what you set out to do. There's plenty of help and support around here. Hang in there!

[changing]

Thank you guys! I really appreciate the support!

[2big4mysize]

Your mother has two major issues with your wanting to lose weight. When you get skinny that comfortable image and relationship she has with you she thinks will change. MAny ADBBer have this issue with the spouses thinking they will leave them for a better looking person cause now they are getting more beautiful/handsome, and friends too.

your mother is also doing projecting
your fat your dieting.
I'm fat.
I need to diet too.
therefore you are trying to force me to lose weight too.

We know you aren't but that is what she feels.

You can't argue with her and their is nothing wrong with admitting you have made an extrem change in your diet going form the unhealthy eating to very healthy eating by controling the carbohydtate foods you eat to low GI fruit veggies legumes nuts seeds and grains for the rest of your life.

Don't feel guilty about not wanting to emulate your mother physically. I'm sure she has lots of qualities you do emulate and carry with you focuse on those and know as you become the healthier smaller person you are getting to be you will be there to provide care for her when her health issues catch up with her.