Stress, Anxiety, Past and Overeating

[hey_nelson]

I came to terms with why I ate so much a few years back when I was in therapy. If it wasn't for my uncontrolled eating to make myself 'ugly' I wonder what I would look like today. Sheesh, and I started eating like that when I was 12 or 13 yrs old and now I'm 43. God willing, I will see that 'me' one day and say hello and give myself a hug.

A few months back, years after the abuse ended, I received a message from the abuser who wanted to speak to me. Ya know what, I did not go into a tail spin and eat, but I did refuse to see him, that's his problem now as I have had to let it go in order to survive.

Sometimes, under stressful moments, I do find myself feeling that 'hungryness' and now if it happens, I look for acceptable foods to ease the anxiety. What seems to do it for me now is pork cracklings (without chili as those are high in sodium) and I don't have to eat a lot. Its the texture thing and the chrunchiness that fills me and satisfies me I guess. Nonetheless, I try to now calm myself, look in the mirror and know that I no longer want myself to be 'ugly' but I want to peel off that image and see me.

love and prayers
patty

[2big4mysize]

good for you. We have a topic called psychological obesity that talks about hiding in your fat coat if you'd like to read it. Gina wrote the beginning and many ADBBer that have been abused and ate for comfort and hiding posted in it. I know it is a stickie somewhere

[hey_nelson]

Thanks, I will look out for it.


love and prayers
patty

[garcma]

Wow, Patty, good for you! I've been to a few counselors to try and figure out why I've kept myself fat for so long. None of them helped (and one kept yawning so much during my appointments that I finally quit). It helps to know others have been able to achieve success in spite of their pasts and I find that encouraging. Thanks for sharing.

[Jasmain]

You're doing a great job Patty, and I hope you know that too, deep down inside where the belief counts and begins to heal you from the inside out. You are such a wonderful lady, and now I realize, even stronger than I ever saw. The fact that you have taken control of what used to ail you, even if it is a daily battle, is such a testament to that strength. You are another of my heroes lady, and for good reason! You don't have to look very deep to see your beauty Patty, I can see it very well. I only wish I could lend you my perception of you for just a moment so you could open your inner eyes to what a beautiful person you are.

[hey_nelson]

Hey Jas, I just saw this reply. Uhhh yeah, ok. LOL Ya know in my line of work, I am supportive and positive with the kids / parents I work with and I know I have a hard time taking compliments. Yes, they make me feel better bit I can not be in control of the embarrasment that happens. I BLUSH. I'm such a nerd. I'm not talking light pink, I'm talking red to shades of purple (My favorite color) Friends embarras me on purpose just to see me blush. It happened last night when I had to ask my principal for a new staff shirt as mine does not fit anymore, THANK GOD ITS TOO BIG. But my principal who Knows I'm Atkinsing spoke out loud on purpose and my BOSS was standing next to me. So he looks at me and does not say a thing and walks away.
I have not told many people about my change in eating, if they see me eating what appears to be strange combinations... then I figure let em guess. When someone says I have lost weight, I am saying, yes, a little. I don't want to draw attention to myself. Maybe I'm this way because of my past. Maybe there are other factors. LIke PopEye, I yam what I yam.

[2big4mysize]

oh I feel for you with the blushing as I do the same thing and folk try to make me on purpose too.