my story (eating disorders and atkins)

[Mothercooter]

I dealt with anorexia and bulemia through my teen yrs. Went from a little more than healthy size 13/14 almost 15, to a 3 in 2 yrs. Yo-yoed between 3-5 for another yr and a half.

It was far more serious than just not eating enough. 1 went 7 days once without eating ANYTHING. I never felt more powerful or in control when I resisted the urge to eat. The longer I went without eating the more powerful and beautiful and in control I felt. The moment I ate anything however, no matter how small, I could look in the mirror and litterally see weight gain 5 minutes after eating so even when I did eat I threw up. Was it all in my head or what it simply water weight my body was desperately trying to hold onto when it got a little food? I dont know, probably a little of both.

I got pregnant and simply trading those eating disorders for another. Overeating.My food addiction never went away just manifested itself in another form. Instead of constantly restricting myself, I had no control at all. I have had an all or nothing sense about me since. I have to do a diet strict and to the tee or not at all. I starve myself, or binge constantly. This is still a struggle but I strive to find a balance and tell myself I dont have to be perfect.

Being on atkins is the only time in my life I ever remember not feeling like food consumed my everythought and I dont plan my day around food anymore. Food is now something I think about when Im hungry, or when someone else brings it up, or when grocery shopping or planning a new dish. No longer the first thought that pops into my head as i wake up or my reason for getting up. I wont go so far as to be naive enough to think Im cured but atkins sure made my addiction and eating disorder managable to wear I am the one in control of my life now.

The minute I quit atkins last time, I was out of control again. Hoarding food, eating every hour practically. I ate a whole box of granola bars in one day. No matter how much I ate, I never felt full physically but mostly mentally. I was always craving something. I have only recently learned it wasnt physical food I was craving but something to fill me emotionally. I was trying so hard to change the way I felt but I couldnt do it with food.

I thank God everyday for atkins and I know now that I can NEVER stray from this WOL or I let the monster out of the cage again. I cant tell you what exactly about atkins (the science behind it) that allows me to overcome my addiction as long as Im on this WOL but so far I have. I am being very careful though as I move up through the rungs taking notice of any food that may trigger a craving, watching sweeteners (huge sugar addict here) and watching my portions. Several times I have caught myself still doing "Mindless Eating". Continuing to eat whats on my plate even though I am satisfied, or even full. This has been the hardest to tackle because I HATE wasting food especially when money is so tight right now.

Good luck to anyone else who is currently overcoming a food addiction/eating disorder.
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[sadie147]

Excellent post, and congratulations for taking control of your ED's so far!

I can comprehend what you are talking about with the food hoarding. I had a 16 y/o neice that was living here for a year or 2, and she had that exact problem. I'd find tv dinners, empty cookie boxes etc hidden under her bed. I even suspected she was eating frozen food without thawing it. I once bought a dozen dounuts and the next morning there were 2 left. she'd eaten 10 of them. I honestly believe she has serious emotional issues that are coming out in her eating habits. She doesn't live with us now (she's 20) we'd tried to get counselling for her but she wasn't interested. She's still overweight (not really obese, but still bigger than she should be)

The hard part is dealing with a teenage girl with these issues, we always had the fear that if we got on her case too much..she'd turn the exact opposite. Hopefully it all turns out for the best.

Thanks for posting this..its very important

[wonderwoman]

thanks for these posts, ladies. I'm a mom to 3 girls, and i worry to pieces that they will follow in mommy's footsteps. I have never used the word "diet" in our household other than it being "you are eating a nutritious diet to make you strong and grow!"
I have also been a slave to food/points, etc. and now that i'm back on atkins, i don't think about food 24/7. this is a definitely a lifestyle. HOpe you all are doing well, and enjoy the freedom from food!

[determined2shrink]

Congrats on defeating the eating disorders! I understand your battle with bulimia. I suffered from it from when i was 9 til i was 16. I think finding atkins right around my 17th birthday saved me. It gave me control over something in my life for once. My bulimia wasnt really about my weight (even though i was heavy) it was a control issue. When my life spun out of control i would binge until i was stuffed solid and then purge. It was like a release of all the pain in me even if just for a few moments. It was like my drug of choice. I think that alot of people dont realize that the eating disorder really isnt about food at all.

I am now happy to say i never went back to it. I have bulimia free for almost 9 yrs now.

[wonderwoman]

determined to shrink, (love that!)
Thank you for that email. NEver thought about bulimia that way. I have purged a few times in my life, but i do eat until full a lot (without purging), and I always wonder WHY i do that. I wonder why I need to have that "FULL" feeling. Is there something lacking in my life and this is how i'm subconsciously dealing with it? To "fill" myself up with something OTHER THAN FOOD is probably what I need to do. Interesting email. Thanks for making me think about this. Hope you are doing well.