Does one recover?

[Momma2threegirls]

Does a person with an eating disorder ever recover. I have lost all my excess weight now twic ein my life. TWO TIMES I have lsot over a hundred pounds...but I get to the bottom and I am just as misserable as I am at the top. It's like The eating dissorder just changes. I go from compulsively overeating to compulsively undereating and then binging. I go up and donw, back and forth, but I'm never content. I never feel "safe" in my skin. Do the demons ever leave? Will I fight this forever. Even as I child I suspected I had an eating problem. When I lost the weight the first time in the late 90's I KNEW I had a problem. Now having lost it all again - I know more about myself. I have identified a begining that I can remember very clearly.

I was an awkward, tall, and very skinny kid. Everyone teased me and my grandmother and mom repeptitively told me I was too thin adn had to eat. I learned to eat out of emotion. It felt good. When nobody listened food was there for me. When Iw as sad food cheered me up. When I was happy, food congratulated me. I have fought through using food "wrong" and medicating with food - I have even confronted my mother. I guess I still harbor a lot of blame. She says it ws all "me" that she had nothing to do with it "It's not like I forced you to eat boxes of pasta after school" no..she didn't but how many second graders horde food in theri room? I clearly rememebr hiding a full pyrex dish full of dumplings in my drawer one night after dinner. She and my Dad caught me, scolded me....but never considered an underlying issue???? I realize I have to live in the present and make solid choices for myself now, today, and in the future....but do the demons EVER leave you alone...or is it always a tug of war? I feel alone.

[EverLosing]

You made me cry!! I think all of us here can identify with everything you've written. You're not alone!!!!! You're not, you're not, you're not!!! You need to come to the board every time you feel those demons tugging at you! The way you articulated your post...wow, you worded it all so well. Emotional eating. Don't harbor too much resentment for your parents....after all, you learned a lesson from their mistake and guess what? That makes YOU a better parent! It's a gift, sort of, it came with a price of course, but it was a gift to you in the long run. Keep your head up!! PM me if you'd like. You're amongst friends here and we KNOW.

[metalslugx]

i don't want to say i feel sorry for you. you will be alright. come to the board more often. if you really feeling bad or emotional go out for a walk. take a deep breath. you will keep the "demon" away.
cheers!!

[RitaCeleste]

I don't know if it ever really ends. I'm 35. If I don't get on the scales atleast once a day, I really let myself go. I gain weight fast. I am loosing weight or I am gaining weight. But just staying the same and being happy hasn't happened yet. I am worried if I want to loose too much. What is realistic goal? Why I can't be happy where I am? Will I have the sense to stop dieting when I should? The emotional stuff got easier, lots easier than it was when I was younger. I had a serious mental illness and my parents ignored rather than get me treatment. When I got real skinny and wouldn't eat my dad took a belt and made me eat my food. I fear getting thin. But even without emotional eating I have to eat a ton to feel full. That's probably not going to change, and sometimes I get tired of being hungery. I think things will get so much better though. THe emotional part can be better, take good care of yourself. Hang in there!

[ceemarie]

You are not alone. Many of us abuse food or have an addition issue that revolves around food. It is important that you find a support network that has walked in your shoes and can help you deal with the underlining issues that are haunting you. Perhaps a counselor in your area can offer some assistance. By just admitting that you have issues with your weight is half the battle. Chin up! You are worth it!

[rickyyant]

My friend was struggling with the same problem. She took professional help and has overcome her problem completely. I think you should also get some expert guidance for yourself. Check out http://www.eatingdisorder.com/eating-disorders-treatment.html. I hope this helps

[Sunny_0ne]

Erika, I don't think it ever ends. I just think we get better at managing it as we get older and see the patterns.

I was a fat kid, anorexic in my teens and twenties, went on the old tricyclic antidepressants then which packed the pounds on at an astounding rate. Over the years I've lost and gained.

Also, my mom was one of those who still had a 24" waist after having 6 kids, and I still remember being called "Elephant," and when I told her that hurt and please don't call me that, she retorted, "Okay, Feather."

Also, there was a time in my life when I truly didn't have enough to eat, and the fear of hunger is a big bogeyman to me. I overeat now sometimes just because hunger terrifies me.

The difference is, since I've started Atkins, when I do binge, I have always managed to binge on legal foods. So even though the amounts are large, they haven't thrown me out of ketosis.

Staying on Atkins is the only hope I have of keeping my blood sugar levels normal enough that I don't go absolutely wild with food.

But food is my medicine, too.

BTDT on the psychotherapy. Basically, this is something my body and I will have to cope with as long as I live.

[Oceana55]

Erika, I wonder if its not so much recovering from an eating disorder as recovering from a living disorder that manifests in various ways?
As I stumbled onto this thread, it occurred to me that it really is like alcolholism and drug addiction, both of which I beat and which I also know I have to always know that it will sneak up on me if I let it, so maybe not so much "beat" it, but have the upper hand and have for about 21 and a half years. Also got rid of the smokes again just over 3 years ago. But food...well you can't just stop eating. Which is why I love Atkins so much: you have to give up something. I'm on extended induction and the first three and a half weeks were really tough because I couldn't access my last drug, my last comfort substance.
So I've gone back to counselling, am taking 5htp and reminding myself yet again to focus on my successes, not my failures. I too have lost a number of times, first 40 lbs to get to my ideal weight, then 58, then 50 towards a needed 120, and now am back trying it this way.
Wow Erika!! You've lost that much weight twice? And the fact that you're giving it another shot, before you get back to where you used to be is FABULOUS!!! That just goes to prove that you can do it and you're not a quitter!
I know well the frustration of taking off in perfect flight only to crash land and take forever to find the courage/energy/motivation/belief to get up and give it another go. And its people like you who help me to remember that it can be done.