The Cycle

[sunflower77]

I've read so many stories on here so I thought I would tell mine. I am a emotional binge eater... That is so hard to write and to admit but I am and have been for most of my life and I will be 21 this year.
First of all I stand at 6'1" so I was never what I would call thin or petite. I've always tried to maintain at about 200-220 which seems to be a healthy look for me. I know to some that seems large. Right now and I just weighed today I weight in at 311 lbs. I could have cried when I looked at that number on the scale.
My binge eating started as a child after my parents seperation. My earliest binging memory was sitting in front of the TV eating a fill 2l of ice cream and then going back for cookies or whatever else I could find.
In high school I was obese and while i wasn't made fun of I just wanted to be notice.. to feel pretty like all the other girls so I decided to diet. What started as an healthy diet quickly turned into an obsession with food. I cut down my amounts drastically and at one point would only eat dry toast, plain white rice measured out and canned tomato soup. Then I stopped eating for five days at a time only drinking water and diet soda and would only allow myself to eat one day on the weekend.
This lasted for about a year and I did become thin at that point and my parents began to question bu behaviour.
In nursing school I managed to get back on track with food and for those years I maintained a decent weight and considered my relationship with food to be a healthy one.
My first years of working I began to put on weight and starting the binging again only this time in larger and more frequent quantities, especially at night when I was feeling lonely or depressed. I ballooned up to 375 lbs and my doc told me I had to do something.
I dieted on my own lost about 40 lbs mainly counting calories and then moved from my hometown into the city.
I discovered atkins shortly after and I wish I could say this is the end of my story it isn't. In a year I lost almost 100 lbs I stuck to the diet and was strict about it.
I then came off the diet and then went to a WeightWatchers program and with tons of exercise my gain was little.
After feeling I was slowly gaining again little by little last aug i decided it was time for atkins again and I lost what I gained and a little more. it was in oct the depression hit.
This winter has been ****. I have been in a constant struggle with food my binges are outrageous.
This is a typical binge and I am ashamed to admit it.

1. Large Pizza with the works
2. Bag of french fries with gravy
3. whole cheesecake
4. lg bag of potatoe chips
5. coconut cream pie
6. and perhaps a couple chocolate bars not to mention pepsi.

I wonder what the **** is wrong with me after I do this? I swear it's like a drug and I go into some weird state after eating all this food.
I've become a recluse only leaving the house for work and errands and I've pushed friends away.
So, I started atkins again two days ago and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Thanks for listening.

[Desertthorn]

Sunflower, have you read Dr A's book? Because if you haven't do, now, today, asap... Believe it or not, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!!
Some of us, and myself included, take that first carb and it's down hill from then on....I bet if you can get thru a few days of induction, (by the book induction) you will find that you suddenly have control
AND GUESS WHAT, you can't push us away cause we're right here routing for you.

[sunflower77]

I did read the book and I totally understand the concepts.... I just wonder why I've developed this totally sick relationship with food and weight.

[Desertthorn]

Because food is comfort.

[sunflower77]

In so many ways for sure........

[Sunny_0ne]

Sunflower, your story has a lot of similarities to mine.

I was anorexic in my teens and 20's, then was bulimic at different times in my 40's.

I also was a very emotional eater. Anytime I felt depressed, discouraged -- anything but happy I would binge. Food DOES help with those feelings. It's a very effective treatment... at least temporarily.

Even after I started Atkins, I would occasionally binge... but I did manage to keep my binging to legal foods (plus the addition of Atkins candy bars, which made me miserable).

But the longer I've been on Atkins, the better it's gotten.

There is a test on pages 150-151 of DANDR 2002 to measure out of control blood sugar results. A score of 50 means you have a problem. I scored 91 on it the first time I took it. I took it again last week and only scored 19.

The difference in how I feel about eating has changed 100%. Getting those blood sugar levels under control has just about eliminated my desires to binge.

I would suggest you start induction again. When the urge to binge hits, pig out on pork rind nachos piled high with cheese, melted in the microwave. Mix cream cheese with sugar free syrups and pile it high on a flax seed cookie. Eat whatever you need to to get through it.... just make sure the foods are legal on Atkins.

Yes, you will gain a little weight from those binges, but you won't knock yourself out ketosis and derail your diet. Your blood sugar won't skyrocket nearly as high.

And I really believe that after a few times, you won't feel the NEED to binge... if you just keep your foods legal.

Sunflower, there IS hope and you CAN do it. One day at a time.

Hugs and best wishes!

[imagood1]

hi Sunflower -- I'm so happy you found us and we have found you!! Congratulations for making the step to change your life for the better.

You are a binge eater -- my bingeing was with booze and food. I have the drinking under control, stopped smooking and now I'm taking care of the problem I have with food.

You are in a good place here - we are all here for support and for the same reason -- FOOD. I wish you the best of luck on your journey. Like DesertThorn said -- we're all here for you ... and we're hard to shake!! LOL

Keep in touch and let us know if you need anything!

[sunflower77]

Thanks everyone for welcoming me

[sandradeee]

Hi Sunflower

Many of us have binge ate. Now you're on induction, if you feel the need to binge ensure it is totally Atkins Induction Friendly.

I'm certain as the days go by your cravings will disappear. I'm very much an emotional eater and find if I feel like eating like a madman - like today - KEEP IT PURE and you will find that protein/fat satiates your appetite and you simply can't eat any more. The cravings will disappear over time.

WOW, you lost 100lbs! So you KNOW this can work for you.

I look forward to seeing your progress, I started back just a couple of days ago as well.

[thefemalegreenday]

Wow, I read that and cried.
I'm sorta in your shoes.. Last year I used to binge like crazy.. Everyday, I'd get throuh so much and I felt horrible.
I've been on atkins for awhile but I can't seem to lose weight, its the endless cycle of my binging..Ill drop 4kg or something and gain it back so easily cause ill splurge out of the allowed dairy products.
Im afriad ill never reach my goal. I guess I just have to keep trying though.
=] I hope this diet works wonders you, looks like it did the last time.