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That's all you got, b*tch?

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17 days after my last blog post, my husband passed away. It was the start of a very directionless period. First, I refused to grieve, because I wanted to stay strong for the kids. Then, more family members died, and I began a period of subsumed grief - keeping the painful emotions inside and eating the pain away.

Even then, the most damage I did was leveling off at 140, which is not a terrible weight for me. Or, wouldn't have been, except I had hernia surgery in late December and a verrrry slooooooow recovery.

Then, I fell into a rut. For several months after I could have started exercising again, I didn't. Even that wouldn't have been so bad, except I was still eating like I was exercising regularly.

July 1, I looked at scale (155., looked at the calendar (23 days until I went to Berlin), consulted my body (knees hurt, back hurt) and made a choice.

Not to lose weight, necessarily, but to go to Berlin able to keep up with my ersatz tour guide, a friend of several decades and one of those loathsome people who can eat whatever he wants and never gain weight.

So, me and the treadmill got reacquainted in a sensible fashion. I took from Bob Harper the manta to walk, at whatever pace, for 45 minutes each day (morning, preferably) and add cardio several times per week.

At first, all I could handle was the 45-minute walk, at 1.7-2.0mph. I though I was gonna puke after the first time, but I stuck with it, slowly increasing the pace on the treadmill until I could do 3.0mph most of the time, with extended periods at 4.0mph. The day before I left, I was up to 45 minutes or 2 miles (whichever came first) every morning and evening.

I thank my lucky stars that I did that, because the easiest way to get around Berlin is to walk and use public transportation. Did a lot of both, and kept up with my buddy even when I was wearing ridiculously cute sandals that should have stayed at home.

Berlin was awesome.

Upon returning home, I decided to face my nemesis: the 30-minute workout, with speeds up to 5.5mph in 60-second increments. Did it for the first time this morning. After 30 minutes, I looked at the treadmill and said, *****, is that all you got? I'm not even breathing hard.

The scale is going to say what it's going to say (150., but I'm in far better shape now than I was 15 pounds ago. Whatever the scale will say going forward, it's my treadmill performance that will tell me how I'm treating myself. No more eating the pain away - not fanatic about low carbing it (I enjoyed more bagels in 5 days than I had in the 5 months prior), but not looking to strap on the feed bag, either.

Next week is Hawaii. Looking forward to lots of poke, maybe a loco moco or two, lots of sun and playing with family and friends. I wish I could take my treadmill with me.

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  1. victcy's Avatar
    Good to see you blogging here have been through a really tough time!
    Enjoy Hawaii and come back and post soon.
  2. Ditto's Avatar
    Yes, good to see you here again. I did wonder, after the shock of your husband passing, how you got on.

    You're very lucky doing all this travelling. I was surprised when in Berlin to see they eat cakes for breakfast! At least in the Eastern part they did. What the heck!? My sisters had a whale of a time.

    Looking forward to reading your posts.
  3. Lisa's Avatar
    I saw the title and was like, What? Who's messing with our friends??

    And then I read your blog...wiped a tear or two, and smiled because not matter what life has handed you, you just threw it back---with a wind up pitch.

    Thanks for sharing! I'll be sitting over here in my own little dry, high-desert world while you're enjoying Hawaii. Enjoy the sand and surf!



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