Confessions of a Loser

[angelstar]

Well….here are my confessions. I’ve just returned from 2 weeks in Florida and a total carb binge. I had a great time but I also put on a lot of weight. I haven’t weighed myself yet as I only landed back in the UK today but I reckon 7-14lbs. My bulgy tummy has returned and my a*s is huge. I only have myself to blame, I know. But that’s not the reason why I’m confessing.
I also gave up a week prior to my holiday. Well actually I gave up for 2 weeks a month prior to my holiday and then stayed on plan for 3 weeks and realized that there was no way I was going to reach my goal and gave in to carbs. My excuses for giving up are cr*p. A month before my holiday I moved house, started new job and joined new gym. Quite a busy time and I used that as a excuse to not to follow Atkins.
I always planned not to follow Atkins whilst on holiday but I never wanted to admit it as I’ve seen other peoples posts about planned binges and how some people (and quite rightly so) ‘have a go’ and say that its not the way to do things. I totally agree, its not the way to do this WOE but its what keeps me going. Knowing that if I’m good for a few months then I can pig out on carbs. TOTALLY WRONG. I know that but, as many of you can relate to, I love food. I’m addicted to cr*p that isn’t good for me. I cant stand it when someone in front of me is eating something that I’m not allowed to have.
This post is quite hard for me because I know that this WOE has worked for me and I’ve given advice to people and everyone has been so supportive when I’ve needed help or guidance. I feel that I’ve let everyone down and that I deserve a good telling off. I WANT to lose weight, I LOVE losing weight and seeing what it does to me BUT I’m not strong all the time and use petty excuses to come off plan.
I think I’ve got a few issues with food, especially when I get angry when someone eats chips/rice/pasta in front of me. I don’t think of the positive things – I’m being healthier and I’m losing weight. I just think – you skinny cow, you can eat whatever you like and not gain a single pound, why do I have to be the fat one.
I feel a lot better for getting this off my chest. I feel that I don’t deserve to read the board when I’m off plan as I’m being a hypocrite. But….there are more ‘goals’ in life that I want to look good for AND I’ve got to give myself a good kick up the butt and actually do this. I can lose 2-3 stone and then I give up. Why….I’m not sure, lots of petty excuses I’m sure of that but if there is anything behind it I don’t know.
Anyway. I had an AMAZING time in Florida. PM me if you wana see some pics (I’m not proud of them as I’ve got a double chin in a lot of them which is annoying but good motivation!). The weather was fantastic and I’ve got a slight tan….grrr!! Abit depressed now I’m back home in our tiny little house in this cold country and going back to work 2mrw but it makes holidays more special.

Thanks for listening and letting me share.

[changing]

You're human. I'm happy you're back on the boards.

[Lyssie]

I was just thinking about you last night actually. Ironic. I would berate you for being off plan but I'm sure you've done it enough to yourself. I think maybe you should consider that these things you want to eat - you should be able to eat them while sticking to this WOL, you just have to wait to do so. Atkins is definitely not about deprivation, you eat fantastic food, as much as you want and still look better and are healthier. I'm sure you already know this as well. Anyway, welcome back. Glad you had fun on vacation.

[soliwit]

I think you are indeed very brave in posting this, I bet it was hard for you.
A lot of us have moments that they think it so not fair that we are the 'fat ones' and have to always be concious about what we eat.
It is a journey, in food and in yourself.
I am sure this experience thought you a whole lot of things and that it will strenghten you in your future decisions.
Already, even though you have gained weight, you have come closer to your goal, think of it as a possitive thing !!!
You can do it !!!!!!

[MommaGlass]

I am glad to see you are back too! I was wondering where you were! My brave little Brit!

Get right back at it. I am also one of those who, if they have lost their way, will not post. I have on a horrid occasion sat and read the board while eating something totally naughty. But I find reading helps me get back on track. I know that no one but myself can give me the reason to stick with it. No amount of "hey you can do this" will get me going if I don't want to. Just as I discovered no one can make you happy but you and no can love you unless you love you first.

This WOE works, you just have to let it. You know this and you have pictures to prove it. Welcome home, Angel, my sweets. We are happy to have you back.

[SarahJane]

I'm fairly new to this board, and I've always enjoyed reading your posts. I was actually wondering where you've been. I just recently my self had a cheat. I think it's important to realize your mistake, understand why you made the mistake, and move on. You where doing a great job on Atkins, and you can again. Glad to see you back on the board!

[Atkid]

Glad to see you back Angel! So your vacation was wonderful other than the eating part, well the vacation is over so remember the great time you had and forgot about your slip. We all are human so just jump back on the band wagon, drink your water , eat your veggies, get in your exercise and you will be back to your previous weight in no time.

[G-Mom]

Welcome back, hun. I am glad you had fun in Florida, did you go to Disney World? My hubby and I went there on our honeymoon in October 98 and the weather was great!

Anyway, I am also a horrible carb addict, and it is a powerful addiction. It is always mind over matter and how badly you want to be thin and healthy. I hope you can find a way to stick to plan.

[k5commando]

Remember how you feel now that you gained some from a huge binge. It's not worth it to risk all you've worked for and erase your awesome progress.

[Waterbabe_Helena]

Sweetie - when I read your words I did a double-take because I thought I had written them! We are two women with the same thoughts.

"I’m addicted to cr*p that isn’t good for me. I cant stand it when someone in front of me is eating something that I’m not allowed to have."

"I get angry when someone eats chips/rice/pasta in front of me. I don’t think of the positive things – I’m being healthier and I’m losing weight. I just think – you skinny cow, you can eat whatever you like and not gain a single pound, why do I have to be the fat one."

Yes, my dear, I think all those things too. I found that by expressing this anger, shouting it if necessary, I felt better.

I have found that I have had to submit, admit, accept, that I am NOT the same as other people. I am made differently and I cannot eat the rubbish that everyone else eats and "get away with it". Nor can you. Yeah that is really sh*tty but that's the truth - life ain't fair babes.

I was in the swimming pool the other day chatting to a woman of about 35 with a perfect face and perfect figure. Turned out she has incurable multiple sclerosis and has lost her lucrative career and scrapes by on benefits. Now her whole life 24/7 consists of just coping with the illness, which is slowly getting worse.

As I watched her leave the pool, inching along the walkway on her two sticks, I realised how damned lucky I am that my only problem is 200 pounds excess weight. All I have to do is stick to Atkins and I will lose weight; but no matter what dietary restrictions that lady follows, she will never get better. Puts it all into perspective. I haven't cheated once since I met her.

Get back on the wagon, accept that life is a b*tch and join me in my long, hard journey. I'm in the UK, too, and my special email buddy has just decided to switch to Weightwatchers so you can be my daily email friend if you want. PM me and swap email addresses, and let's be angry together!

Helena - in Hastings