Getting real with yourself might mean success the first time around.

[cleochatra]

Hello. My name is cleochatra and I'm a perfectionist.

You know,though, I've always been a perfectionist.

I'm the person who always strove hard and beat myself up if I didn't achieve what I was going for. It's killed me all this time. I'm never good enough. Never helpful enough. Never smart enough. Never pretty enough. Never clever enough. Not focussed enough. Nothing but... well... a failure.

Why? Because when we set ourselves up with a do or die attitude, we're dying on every hill of the battle, instead of taking the occasional bullet and moving to the next hill.

Triggers for the perfectionist and suggestions that might help?

1. Date goals for weight loss. This is danger Will Robinson! More dangerous than those heels with that pansuit, we're talking about setting yourself up for failure. You either set too high a goal because you know you're not going to make it anyway (thereby reinforcing the whole I'm a failure routine), or you start goofing around because you can't afford to hit your goal. It's counterproductive to your negative self-programming.

Don't do it!

Instead, I note I didn't have a deadline to put on that weight. What good is an arbitrary, man-made number going to do for me? Wake up, hot hootchie friend! Wake up!

I can look at the end as justifying the means. Focus on now. The today. The saying, "OMG, maybe I don't have to be perfect!"

I mean, the horror, right?

2. Throw the scale out the window. I know, I know. The last time you did that, you hit Auntie Edna's ficus and she wasn't very happy about it. Again, we're talking about arbitrary datapoints for failure. You're never going to weigh less enough, lose fast enough. You're mad you ever gained so much. You're a failure, failure failure!

STOP! Is it really worth it? I'm losing weight and I'm feeling better. I sleep better. My clothes fit better. Am I so ruled by what the numbers say and use it to gauge my worthiness?

That's so wrong! STOP IT! Get rid of the distraction.

3. STOP trying to be perfect. OMG! You ate an excess piece of lettuce by mistake. You didn't know the waiter put black beans in your chipless nachos. It happens! Stop looking for reasons to beat yourself up! Maybe you forgot to write down what you ate and can't remember if you had 13 net carbs or 14. Stop expecting everything has to be perfect or what's the point. Nothing magical happens because you did nothing wrong all day. You're still human. You're still losing.

4. Emotions and bad stuff happens. I don't care if we're God's gift to muliebrity or manhood on any way of eating. The boss is still a putz and our kid might still be in juvie. Your kid's teacher still talks more about her gastric bypass surgery than polynomials, and it rained today.

It HAPPENS! Embrace the imperfection of life with humor. Treat the emotions with a plan. Don't try to push them down. And don't internalize.

These things don't happen to you because you deserve them!

5. Now smell the low-carb java with me a moment. Look at the mirror and you're seeing someone who's not been a very good friend to you. She's been pretty mean. You treat everyone else better than you treat yourself, and you constantly sabotage your efforts in ways you never would anyone else.

Notice your triggers! You have them! Embrace the fact that every Thursday you watch a show and it makes you feel fat and unsophisticated so you decide to abuse yourself and eat. Stop watching the show. Or watch it while you exercise. Be pro-active.

Look for where you fail everytime and why.

I'm telling you, it's been an epipheny and a half to wake up one day and have to admit I'm a perfectionist and that all I've done all this time is set myself up to fail.

It's much easier to admit I'm human.

And what clarity.

[Lady_Hawke]

Great post Cleo! Very thought provoking!

[staziaw]

Ah, dear Miss Cleo . . . I think I am in love with you and your beautiful way of writing! As always, you brilliantly sum up exactly what I'm feeling and give me a tender but firm kick in the tushie to change my ways.

Love you, you doll you!

Stacy

[BoxerMom]

Awesome post. You just described the story of my life. Thanks for putting a fresh spin on things. I am going to re-think the way I view my expectations and not continually beat myself up if I don't get something right.

[Atkid]

Excellent post!

[G-Mom]

Very well said, my friend!! Excellent read for all.

[cleochatra]

Thanks for all the awesome comments, you guys! I really appreciate it. It makes this imperfect person feel a lot better knowing she has friends who can relate! Why, I can't even spell epiphany, but I swear I had one. I just wish I had more than one a year.

[vmckelvie]

A wonderful post Cleo - Ive printed this one out to keep with me!

[Desertthorn]

Again, your the bestest... Great post!!!!

[Lyssie]

Cleo - it's posts like this that remind me why I <3 you.

BTW - those heels were fine with the suit, you were just being psychotic, and after you asked 10 times (the same person) if they looked ok and they threatened to kill you, you accepted it.

Also - that wasn't 13 or 14g of carbs, it was the fact that you couldn't record EXACTLY how much they put in there so then you had to have the bowl of ice cream since you were going to be off on your carb counts anyway.