weight loss and divorce

[LivinLowCarb2008]

Originally Posted by Mothercooter

I have always known one day I would get a divorce and maybe one day I could find someone that I love in that way \

*sigh* It seems your foot was "out the door" a long time ago. Difficult to develop romantic feelings that way.



{{{hugs}}}}

[SueSue1212]

OK, well this is probably not going to be your favorite post but here it goes. If you don't, nor ever found him attractive, HOW and WHY did you get pregnant? There had to be some sort of spark there to ignite at least a small flame. Sex and TV romance is not all it is cracked up to be, it is not like they show on TV. Your young and your still looking for that hot passionate romance right? Well, those guys are generally only the ones who want to get a piece of A** and as soon as they do your just old news. Any marriage that works well, works because the husband and wife are best friends. I mean by all means if he is abusive, lazy or just plain disgusting get rid of him fast, but if you just wanting fireworks you may be making a mistake. Remember, just like the fireworks on the 4th of July they only last a short time and then the sky is black again and then you'll be in the same boat you are now having to make this decision again say in 5 or 10 years. Have you tried just flat out telling him this is how it is going to have to be or else we will have to seperate? If you tell him up front that he needs to love, hold, caress and care for you, hold your hand in public and kiss you in front of his friends and then he chooses not to, at least he has made the decision for you. Another point to is your children will want to know why they had to come from a broken home and telling them it was because of lack of physical attraction to someone you slept with and now are not attracted to may make you look a little shallow. Just make sure that it is really what you want to do, because once it is done it is too late. Please remember this post 20 years from now, either way.
Best of Luck
SueSue1212

[LivinLowCarb2008]

Originally Posted by SueSue1212

OK, well this is probably not going to be your favorite post but here it goes. If you don't, nor ever found him attractive, HOW and WHY did you get pregnant? There had to be some sort of spark there to ignite at least a small flame. Sex and TV romance is not all it is cracked up to be, it is not like they show on TV. Your young and your still looking for that hot passionate romance right? Well, those guys are generally only the ones who want to get a piece of A** and as soon as they do your just old news. Any marriage that works well, works because the husband and wife are best friends. I mean by all means if he is abusive, lazy or just plain disgusting get rid of him fast, but if you just wanting fireworks you may be making a mistake. Remember, just like the fireworks on the 4th of July they only last a short time and then the sky is black again and then you'll be in the same boat you are now having to make this decision again say in 5 or 10 years. Have you tried just flat out telling him this is how it is going to have to be or else we will have to seperate? If you tell him up front that he needs to love, hold, caress and care for you, hold your hand in public and kiss you in front of his friends and then he chooses not to, at least he has made the decision for you. Another point to is your children will want to know why they had to come from a broken home and telling them it was because of lack of physical attraction to someone you slept with and now are not attracted to may make you look a little shallow. Just make sure that it is really what you want to do, because once it is done it is too late. Please remember this post 20 years from now, either way.
Best of Luck
SueSue1212

That was an awesome post. yep. There had to be a spark somewhere, huh? so true that the romantic fireworks subside after a while. What a great post.

[Rick]

Ok, I'll post from the other side of this fence... I've been through this,and I was the husband.

I thought things were great, was happy and all was well.

This is difficult to talk about, so I hope you will appreciate that...

One day my ex came to me and said... "I love you, but I don't know if I'm in love with you". That one sentence broke my heart in more ways than you can imagine. But.... it also set me free.

I was in the same boat as she was, I just didn't know it at the time. I thought I was in love... but, when it was all over I realized that it didn't hurt like it should have. If it were really "love", it would have been worse.

What I'm trying to say is that I agree with you. If it doesn't hurt, then something is missing. I wish that it was different.. and that you had the perfect relationship... it just doesn't always happen.

That being said... what is perfect? Can it be found?

The bottom line is this... are you happy? If the answer is NO... and you think you will be better off without him, and on your own.. then you have to do what you have to do. You'll be better off, and happier doing your own thing. If the answer is different, then that's where your problems lie.

You are the only one that can make the decision.

[LivinLowCarb2008]

If she's always thought she would divorce, during the whole relationship, then her foot was out the door, and how would any feelings develop? She would have had to at least had an open mind to even have any feelings. And, like the other post said...there was some type of spark at one time..they had a baby!

[BonnieRose16]

Mindy,
Even though I have been with my husband for literally half of my life, and we have been friends since kindergarten, we have only been married for 2 years and have no children. This is why I am not going to try and give you advice. I don't know that i have any. However, since you said that you and your husband attend church, I am going to feel free to say this. I will be praying for you. I know that it is never our hope that we will end up in divorce. This has to be the most difficult decision you are making in your life. I just wanted to give you love and let you know that you will definitely be in my prayers (along with your husband and children.)

~~~~Bonnie Rose~~~~

[Mothercooter]

Its a difficult situation for some to understand I know. No there was never a spark there, I was overweight, had low self esteem and had been alone for almost a yr after my first sons dad decided he didnt want to be a dad anymore when my son was 2 months old. yes, it was my mistake for jumping into a relationship out of loneliness. Well, it was a horrible relationship for the first 6 months or so. He was controlling, abusive but my lack of self esteem kept me in it. Just when I had the courage to leave him, put him in jail and get out, I found I was pregnant by him.

We started talking again and got back together and got into church. He had changed for the better and was no longer abusive but still controlling to a point but not as bad. So, I told myself I couldnt do any better and we ended up feeling pressure from the church to marry since we were living together so we did and had a few more kids. Sex became something of a chore and I dreaded it constantly and was constantly pressured for it.

We do fight a bit lately since he knows I am unhappy because I have many times sat him down and been totally honest about how I am feeling but he doesnt seem to get it or care he just lays guilt trips on me. So when he feels Im slipping away he takes my keys and cell and hides them or something, anything so he feels he is in control of the situation.

I guess what I am saying here is its not that I am looking for some passionate romance because at this point, I would settle for being alone. I know there are those who are going to think bad of me but its become so emotionally tiring and I am tired of being made to feel guilty for wanting to be a person again. I am finally working outside the home making friends (which I hadnt done in the 6 yrs I have lived up here) and doing stuff outside the home with them and hes not liking that I am becoming my own person. I stayed after work for an hour talking to my friend one night and he called me every 2 mins accusing me of not being where I said I was and being with some guy or doing drugs, you name it. So of course after i got home I got my phone log checked, my cell taken and my blankets thrown down the stairs because I "didnt deserve to sleep upstairs with the family"

so its a little more than just not having romantic feelings but even if thats all it was that is enough I believe.

[LivinLowCarb2008]

Well, that's more to the story. And, I've changed my mind on this...abuse is a reason to leave. If he's not willing to change and treats you that way..hiding your cell and all the other things...he's very controlling and that's a danger sign.

I wish you courage and strength to do what you need to do. I will be praying for you as well

[Razzle39]

I like the initial advice of follow your heart.
Only you know how unhealthy your relationship is.

[BoxerMom]

You deserve to be happy. Good luck.