damn boredom cravings.

[DieBlaueReiterin]

i am on day 20 of atkins (wow has it really been that long???) and just moved up to OWL on weds. until this afternoon i have been doing GREAT. my cravings were very minor and i haven't cheated once. the really great thing though has been that food had stopped controlling my life. seriously if i weren't as extremely physically active as i am (every single day) i would probably be twice as heavy as i am. i used to eat a LOT. i would go 8-9-10 hrs during the day w/o eating bc i was so active that i wouldn't even think about food, then go home and just binge for an hr straight. it was like i could never get full! this woe is the first time i have felt even somewhat in control of my eating habits and it's truly been a godsend!

now, tonight, i am chaperoning the school dance. i live an hr from work so i don't want to drive all the way home, then all the way back, so i figured i'd hang out here at school and get lessons for next week done or something. (haha as i troll the ADBB). so basically from 2:30 to 6:45 i'd be in my room. my last colleagues left like 15 mins ago and i was sitting here and all the sudden it started again: the nagging thoughts. "your dinner is over there...why not just eat it now...you know you want to...just go eat it...it'll taste so good..."

my dinner is 2 hamburger patties, some mayo, and 2 cups of broccoli/cucumbers. i had lunch at 11:30 and since that's all the food i have with me, i won't be able to eat again til 10 (even tho i know when i get home i'm not going to let myself eat at all, but that is what my brain keeps telling me). also, i want to make sure i'm full before the dance starts so i'm not tempted by any food that may be out, so i want to eat right before it starts.

so what do i do? go in my friend's room and snag a can of diet coke. O_o i haven't had soda or ANY sugar or anything sweeter than a red pepper in almost 3 weeks. i'm off caffeine too. i admit, it tasted kinda weird to me going down and i still have kind of a funky after taste. i'm 90% done with a bottle of water now to try to flush it out of my system.

now that you've read my novel, here is my question (and it is mainly rhetorical but you can try to answer if you want ): what is wrong with me that i have to be completely occupied every moment of every day in order to NOT eat? this is probably the first real "down" time i've had since i started (normally by this time i would be on the back of a horse, breaking ice off of the sheeps' water trough, hauling hay bales...or something similar on the farm) and it was literally like, i said good bye to my buddy, sat down, and started thinking about food.

i suppose it's better that i had the diet coke than some of the pringles my friend has in his room too, right???

[liv]

Food has so much power over us. I know it can be scary. In the beginning I tried to fill those moments with water. That helped me off the worse empty eating spells. And I was a huge grazer. I am better now but I still have those what-can-I-put-in-my-mouth-next moments. Hang in there.