How to suggest atkins without coming off sounding like a jerk

[kibskix]

My best friend is heavy.
She's always been heavier, but it worked for her ya know. But now her mom is fighting a losing battle with breast cancer thats spread to her lungs and spine, and I don't think she's very happy with her marriage, and she's ended up turning to food and going out and drinking every night. We live about 4 states away from each other right now, she's off with her husband on a military base where she has no friends and no social life, so she sits at home and eats. One day she called me and was having chocolate cake for breakfast.

She always talks about wanting to lose weight, and usually instilled my help so I could be her buddy and help her stay motivated. I usually only did it for her sake. She wanted to do a fruit juice fast, so I did it with her. She quit after day 1 and said "ok well you do it, and i'll see how much you lose on it" I actually stuck with it for about 4 days before I said this is idiotic. She knows I lost weight on atkins before, but she never seems to be able to keep her motivation longer than a day.

Her weights gotten to a point where I actually worry about her now. She's about 5'2 and has to be at least 260lbs. I think it might be good for her to have a direction and a plan, ya know, and she's always complaining about her weight but I don't know if she just needs to complain or if she really wants it. I haven't even told her i'm doing it or how much weight i've lost because i'm afraid it will come off sounding like i'm rubbing it in. I've had a lot of good things come my way lately and I don't want to talk about it too much when I know her life really sucks right now.

So should I just leave it alone, or work it into conversation? With her track record of giving up, I don't want to make it worse!

[Peej]

Its a tough subject. Trying to lose weight is always fairly personal and some are more sensitive about it than others. My best suggestion if you want to recommend it to her is to tell her to read the book. I've gotten a few friends on board just by telling them about how great it made me feel. I don't even mention pounds lost, I just tell them to read the book because whether you do it or not, the concept is pretty exciting to read about.

In the end, if she reads the book, she can choose whether this WOE is for her or not without any pressure from anyone else. Its a pretty compelling read even if you don't end up following the plan. I like that it challenges a lot of commonly accepted "truths" about health. Its pretty revolutionary to suggest that perhaps it isn't just laziness and lack of willpower that has allowed us to become overweight. If nothing else, it will likely empower her and help her understand why she's not succeeding at losing weight.

[jcapulet]

You mentioned she complains she's not happy with her weight...maybe next time she does, you can bring up the Atkins way of life. You say something like "hey have you thought about the Atkins diet?" and say you've been on it for (x amount of time). You don't need to mention the weight loss part unless she asks, but you can tell her some benefits like you're not hungry all the time, you have more energy, etc. I would probably not ask her to try it, but let her consider it as an option to try.

[melimeli]

I had a really crappy marriage and went from 155 to 287 in the 9 year span... I didn't want anyone to suggest anything to me. I was coping with food and heck at least I was keeping the rest of my life together without having a nervous breakdown... one day I was showing my senior picture to a small group of people... (I was 135 in the pic) and one guy I didn't even know said who is that? I said it is me! He couldn't believe it.. he asked why don't you try to get down like that agian.. I said.. ufff it is too far gone.. haha.. laughed.. and he said No, it isn't. That was it, that was the whole conversation from a basic stranger. The next day I went out and bought a bicycle and the book sommerize. I started out riding everyday (too embarrassed to go to the gym) and 6-8 months later I was down 90lbs. All it took was an innocent comment from a stranger to start. I think if anyone would have suggested it, it would have made me eat more from feeling embarrassed and irritated. I say you just talk to her about how much weight you have lost doing the program. If she knows about your loss and she wants to she will ask you about it. Kind of like an adict. Treatment wont work until She is ready

[kibskix]

I know it would probably annoy the heck out of me if someone hassled me about doing something I wasn't mentally ready to do. She's got so much to deal with right now I don't want to bug her about anything. Thanks for the advice everyone, I think i'll just let it be till she brings up losing weight, then suggest she read the book and mention how good I feel, and leave it at that. I mean even I -KNOW- how good it is for you and it still took me years of going on and off and growing up a little and making it a priority before it really stuck!

[SunnySmile501]

The best way is to lead by example. Live your life in a way that makes her want to imitate you. Show her just how happy you are with the way you feel on Atkins and how much healthier you feel aside from weight loss.

When she asks what you are doing, tell her. You have no reason to hide your new way of living to spare her feelings. Your weight loss and health is about you and hers (or lack thereof) is about her. Two totally different subjects. If she is your best friend, then you two need to share what is good in your life as well as the bad. It is not rubbing it in that you are doing something good and positive with your life. You won't be lording it over her, I assume.

You are being an enabler in her pity party by going along with her inability to stick to any weight loss plan. Her life sucking right now is tied to her inability to make positive changes in her life. This is NOT your fault. She has to be the one to realize her actions are what is causing her unhappiness and that turning to drink and poor eating habits as a solace for what is not right in her life is going to be her downfall.

Being a best friend is not about both of you being equally miserable. It's about support during times when your mood is low, but it is also about applying tough love when the pity party has gone on long enough, and it is time to do something positive about any situation that is keeping you low. It is also about sharing the happy and productive times in your life when you are joyful and content.

[transypodge]

I'm the type of person who really like to help and 'fix' people. I identify with your situation. Most people know what they are doing wrong but aren't ready to make a lifestyle change. She has to come to that on her own. It took me weighing over 200lbs for over 5 years to have that 'aha moment'. I had always said that I'd never get over that magic number, but I didn't change course when I did. My advice for you is to be the best example for your friend. She will see you and know to come to you when she's ready. It sounds like there is too much chaos going on in her life to fully commit to this right now. Pray for her!

[kibskix]

sunny is always right! I'm not one to shy away from tough love, cause her feeling sorry for herself but then not doing anything about it drives me crazy to the point that she knows she can't really do it around me lol. But since her troubles involve her mom probably not living another year I find myself shying away from the situation all together because I think she needs some tough love, but at the same time, her mom's really sick and I don't want to just be like "suck it up". It may not be what I mean, but thats what she'd hear.

[Sunny_0ne]

When people used to suggest I might lose some weight, it always sent me into a spiraling depression, because I really believed that I couldn't lose the weight. So I would avoid anyone who even suggested it because I felt that they didn't approve of me or how I looked, and I would feel guilty and uncomfortable around them. I really appreciated the people who loved me just the way I was.

It was only when I saw a photo of myself and recognized.... on my own... just how awful I looked that I finally found the motivation to consider changing my whole way of life.

Everyone is different, and each of us responds differently to suggestion on how we could improve. Some people will consider it and be glad you suggested it. Others will be crushed. So that's probably the main thing I would suggest. You know your friend. Which type person is she?

[chinadoll]

You know her best and her situation best. Unfortunately we need to get seriously unhappy without ourselves before we turn things around. I think your plan to wait until the weight subject comes up and soft peddling it may be the way to go. My own thought was to wait til she brings it up. Then tell her "Look, if you get serious about changing things, I am doing something that is really working for me. I feel terrific. I am going to send you the book so you can have a look at what I am doing."
No preaching, convincing, or selling the program. It is her choice to make a move then.