Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

[bikinidreams]

That's where I got my username from! I've never been comfortable going in the ocean or a pool, not since I was a little kid (probably 9 years old). I am focusing on losing the weight, and using that dream as motivation to enjoy the ocean for once!

My local gym has a pool in it, and I felt fine there because I went at a less crowded time. I suggest finding a pool, and daydreaming about the ocean to keep you motivated!

[imagood1]

Shelly -- welcome to ADBB and sobriety! It feels great doesn't it?!!!! The way I deal with uncomfortable situations today is I reason with myself. I don't remember what I did when I was a drunk so how can this be any worse? When someone smirks or snickers as I come their way I flash a big smile and say hello....the old "kill them with kindness" rule! This is something you need to do for your health, who cares what people do or say? Are you the only overweight person ever to walk on the beach and get into the water?? NO get something you feel comfortable wearing and get yourself into the water. Once you get in your body feels so light and the pressure is off all your joints...it's a great place to look forward to how you see yourself when you get to your goal. Good luck to you -- one day, one step until you meet your goal!!

[marcella]

Great post Jennbeingme!

Sometime I fear that I am the object of someone's snickering and finger pointing. Having said that, most people are too busy having their own fun to pay that much attention to me, so I wear a swimming suit anyway.

It says something about our society that even women and girls who are thin think they look horrible in a swimming suit. Why is our self-esteem based on how we look? Very interesting.

Brings me to a story I want to share that is off the subject....

I am a fiddle player. Once, when I was finished performing, I came off the stage, and had someone (who I considered to be a very good friend) come up to me laughing and said "so much for the typical thin, cute girl-type who usually are the fiddle players". I was crushed. What did my weight have to do with my fiddle playing? But I just laughed along.

[Kathi22]

Shelly - first of all, excellent in being sober. That itself is an amazing success. As for the bathing suit, well, screw it. Put on a suit and a nice cover up (check out justmysize.com) and go for it. Once you are in the water no one will see you, don't worry about it!!!!

[shelly808]

First off, congratulations on all you guys with your phenomenal weight loss!

Elizellen, you know, that is the conclusion I came to yesterday...shorts and a tee. Tks.

Southerner, we don't have a kohls but I will look around for one of those suits!

I know what you mean Jen, like I was saying it bugs the heck out of me when other people think or behave the way I am....but usually they are about 6 inches wide!

You know one thing I didn't mention, which I think is a factor here is that I owned a ladies only gym here for 5 years here in my town and can't go to any of the local grocery, drug or clothing stores like macys, or quite often the beach w/o running into one of the ladies that was a member. It sucks that I feel the need to explain my largeness to everyone I bump into.

Regardless, I just need to get over it and get to swimming!

[shelly808]

What a thoughtless person that person was Marcella! Some people!

I hear you Kathy, and cant wait to feel that way.

Carole, yes it feels good to not be numbing out life and to actually participate in it! Your tip is kind of the method I used to quit drinking... rational thought, I found smartrecovery.org, which teaches rational emotive behavioral therapy...they have a bunch of tools for people to learn how to change their thinking.

I'm-a-working on it! Thanks for everyone's support! Hey anyone know how to attatch a picture in a post????? I want to show you all the beach that I have been depriving myself of...
Shelly

[lisau39]

I agree with Jenn. You have that beautiful beach in Hawaii that I would LOVE to go to. I am soooo jealous. Elizellen has something there too when she asked if you have to wear a suit. I wear my one piece and a pair of shorts. I'm comfy and that's all that matters. We do put too much thought into what others may think and it's sad.
Good luck.

(((lisa)))

[shelly808]

I totally agree with everyone...

But if you have been in depression for so long and have barely even left your own house for a couple of years, going to an open beach practically naked is not all that easy....

sorry to all you folks that think its a stupid and silly way to feel...yes it could very well be ego and pride but that is how I feel....its not a conscious thought, its a feeling!

Everyone has their own issues and hurdles they must climb...this has been one of mine. It's been painful. I realize that I am very very luck to live where I do!!!! And now I am finally out and about enjoying it again!

[Gottabringmeback]

I read your post and feel the same way, the last 10 years I feel like I have not been really living the way I should-just work and home..not much of anything I love to do because of being self concious. The beach was out of the question- not only due to the difficulty walking thru sand (yes, at this age I had that problem, stupid!) but also, I would not put on a bathing suit for the life of me! I didn't want to see myself in one, less alone have someone else see me.
The thing is ever since I made up my mind and started atkins, I have never felt better, more energetic, better disposition and I am in the pool daily...in a bathing suit! I live in florida and I was bleach white and looking dead (being fat looks worse when you're completly white) ...Now I have some color on me, I'm swimming laps daily, just overall a better feeling. Get out there and love life! (esspecially in Hawaii!)

PS. Would love to see some pics!

[ziggy]

i have been ashamed of my body my entire life its just the past year that i now see myself as great. my upper body atleast but my lower body still needs excess skin removal surgery done

my whole life i had to wear extra clothes to cover up my gross body and the pain from over heating was unbearable i had horrible man boobs that made me so ashamed that i could never wear the light T-shirts in the hot summer days but rather had to wear the heavy thick T-shirts that caused great pain from over heating

but anyways this is what i did to fix it

Atkins diet lost over 100 pounds
Whent to the gym for a year gained lots of muscle
had upper body excess skin removeal surgery
more gym

now i can safely say my upper body looks great now i just need to fix my lower body but there is no rush because when i wear shorts it completely covers up all the bad parts and i can move around in shorts easily and not overheat so there is no problem what so ever


heres some tips to help

if you have a problem with excess skin after the lost weight then i find tucking your shirt in hides it very well before i had skin removeal surgery i did this for almost a year at the gym and i was very comfortable
with out the fat there the skin can be flatend and or moved somehow to not look as bad

make sure you go to the gym you need to tone your body up thats how you fix excess skin but if you lost around 100 pounds the gym wont be enough you will need the gym and excess skin removal surgery

the excess skin removal surgery was painless the missed sleep i got was far more painful then the entire operation atleast for me anyways xD i got a tummy tuck and a breast reduction. the surgery is not cheap though


dont bother going to the beach really there is just no way people like us can go swiming with out the horrible stress of are looks that make it a very upsetting experience

instead tone up work out alot and once you can look at yourself in the mirror and say hey i look good then your ready for the beach

do exercise that effectively tones your body it helps big time dont just do cardio or something and leave all your other body parts. but most imortantly make sure you are COMFORTABLE while doing it because you will need to do it alot almost everyday and if you are not comfortable then you will not want to do it

some times a place can start out at only 70% comfortable zone but then go to 100% so in other words if a place starts out at 0% comfortable zone then it most likely will not get any better but if it starts out at 70% then chances are it will get to 100%

so your first goal should be find a way of toneing your body and exerciseing while being Comfortable and Stress Free

and dont lie to yourself you will know if you are Comfortable and Stress Free