Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

[attagirl_]

shelly, you've gotten such great advice here. i just want to add my two cents. first off, this is my first chance to respond to something you've written and i've wanted to say hi for a while because i grew up in hawaii! went to kalani and absolutely love your neck of the woods...waimanalo, lanikai, kailua are my favorite beach memories for sure. secondly, i can commiserate: i am as fair-skinned as they come and i was always chubby, and even when i wasn't, i didn't know it (remember, you are never as fat as you think you are!) and growing up in hawaii is all about laying around on the beach getting tan. i was never bikini ready (or bikini brave) so being in the midst of a sea of "hot bodies" was excruciating. i was always a swimmer, but i too would not participate in things like waterskiing for fear of what others would think and as i look back, i realize i missed out on so much fun that was mine for the taking. you know, we women get to a certain age, we've lived enough life and gathered a whoe lotta wisdom along the way, and we realize, as i hope you will, like misplaced southerner said (i live in nashville!), this is OUR life, this is OUR joy, this is OUR opportunity to reclaim ourselves, our purpose, our confidence, our spirit. don't let another day slip away, shelly. the ladies are right--lands end miracle suits are awesome. slap one on, make a mad dash for that bathtub of an ocean, sink down until just your head is bobbing in the water, and reaquaint yourself with one of the best parts of living in hawaii. wish i could take a swim with you.

sending love and aloha your way,
attagirl

[shelly808]

Thanks attagirl!
Wow Nashville, waaaaaay different from here. My brother grew up here but he lives in Tennisee too, he thinks it just beautiful there.

I graduated from Moanaloa in 82. I sometimes really feel the need to move to the mainland, but I get .... scared. Ha ha. Na, husband plays music in waikiki 7 nights a week, he would never leave...he's born and raised here. He likes the mainland but he thinks he could never get what he has here...there....besides he would never leave the ocean.

I do feel lucky to be living on the windward side. Its funny, since I have started to "come around" it's like little mini vacations when we go out and about.

I am loving the out doors! For too long I have been holed up with the curtains drawn. No more. I really attribute feeling so good to HORMONES!! I was sooooo depressed for such a long time...I had no idea it could be progesterone and estrogen! I thought I was way too young for that....WRONG! Bio-identicals have saved my life...believe me, I am enjoying myself these days....cutting the carbs has really helped too.

I do go to the beach, quite often - I walk it, I just am not ready to cruise about in a suit yet. I will get there though.

Heres a couple of pictures of Kalama beach (a 3 minute walk from my house) and Lanikai...they came out small, I must have save them wrong.

[attagirl_]

oh, i'm green with envy...the pictures make me miss it sooo bad! this is funny...i graduated in 84. we have about the same stats so i'll be looking out for you! you're gonna do great--especially if you get in that water, sister!!

aloha nui,
attagirl

[shelly808]

I noticed that! Ok will see you around!

[JulieB]

I got a couple suits from Land's End last year - they fit really well -some of them even have underwire bras right in them so you get some control. I also like tankinis - looks like you are wearing shorts and a tank-top, but they are made for swimming (and will dry out MUCH faster than street clothes).

I totally get what you are saying though - we spend our summer week-ends on the beach & a couple weeks in Mexico in the winter and I LOVE the water...but hate being seen in a bathing suit. I wear a cover-up & take it off just before I get in the water and wrap a towel around myself when I get out...I don't worry about it when I'm IN the water - you really can't see anything anyway .

I try not to care what other people think...but it is hard. I try to think about it this way: I could be sitting on the beach eating ice-cream - and have something to be embarrased about, or be in the water getting some exercise - and have something to be proud of. I still walk pretty fast from the towel to the water tho

[shelly808]

Julie,
you are too cute and FUNNY!!! I am going to walk the beach this afternoon...