my addictions

[Every1LuvzAngie]

Hello everyone I guess this is the board about addictions...ohhh boy..

Well well, I have always been a junk food junkie, always would eat til I felt like I was going to burst, emotional eating, eating for no reason other than the fact it was sittin there (like it was going somewhere, ya know?) yeh...that was the majority of my life...
around 18/19 I was kicked out of my house and moved to Iowa to live with my b/f and eventually he kicked me to the curb and never talked to me again...eventually finding out that he had another girl pregnant while we was together...I felt like dying literally I was at the lowest point of depression I had ever been at in my entire life, something that I have always struggled with, and was introduced to ectasy...
I won't lie to anyone, I still remember the first time, it felt like nothing I have ever felt in my life, heaven, pure joy, and I was thinking to myself "this is why they must call this **** ectasy, it sure as **** feels like it to me!" ...and my pill popping (something I have always struggled with also) increased and increased...
My friend Heather and I were always obsessed about our weight and she would join me in binging and purging, our diet pill addiction, we even started Atkins around this time...and then we started doin E together...we were both like "god this pill is great, I'm not hungry at all" we would walk, run, jump around hyper as ****, and before u know it I lost 40 lbs...not even trying, altho I was dabbling in Atkins the whole time...
When I wasn't doin E, cuz it left me in depression for long periods of time so I would quit for a few weeks, I was poppin pain killers, muscle relaxers, basically anything I can get my hands on in a pill form...
I dabbled in cocaine and loved the effect, it was much quicker than E and because the pills were no longer as potent, the coke was much stronger to me..
I'm 22 now...and still an avid pill popper...I haven't done E in about 2 months or so...which for me is a long time, and it haunts me still...
Always been a binge drinker...my b/f is/was an alcoholic and naturally I would drink almost every night with him, which ended in many many fights...
he's been sober for a month now...me only 2 weeks no drinking...but I'm trying and alcohol is the killer for me...I was at one point peeing slight blood...
I still pop diet pills every single day...along with all them damn vitamins I take...I still dabble in coke every now and then when its around, I don't buy coke...its too expensive for me, and if it came down to it I would buy a pill before I spent money on that...

sorry so long but I know how hard it is to go through everyday and remember them days....
I'm glad I could get all that off my chest...most ppl I know pretty well don't even know all that about me...

[Laurenfra]

(((((Angie))))) You are a brave lady for posting all that. We will give you all the love and support we can, but we are only people who care not great professionals who can direct you to getting control over your life.

That said the only person who truely has control is you. Tell me one thing you could do to gain control of your life.

[Every1LuvzAngie]

this diet this time around really makes me feel like I'm in control...
because this time around, I feel healthy, I don't feel like eating a whole bag of chips cuz I stayed up for a couple days str8 and didn't care if I went off my diet or not...

I do avoid a lot of my friends because I'm tryin to get not only clean but healthy...I drink my green tea, tons and tons of water I've never drank so much darn water in my life in one day!! It sure feels different than waking up with a hangover all dehydrated and feeling like poop

Eliminating my carb intake has made me feel better in general, I have PCOS, and I got them sugar cravings like a diabetic does, my stepdad is diabetic and goes out and buys tons of cookies and ice cream...and I used to sit and just eat and eat sugar cuz I craved it, this WOL really helps me with that and I'm so thankful I don't live under the sugar god anymore...lol

But Lauren, thanks for caring, that means a lot for someone to say they care

[2big4mysize]

good for you taking control. not seeing some of your friends is a big step too.

Are you journaling your eating? Writing about how you feel before and after eating what you are and who and where you were can help you spot triggering foods, events or even companions. I know when i visited my folks I had to not be around at 10 Pm cause the goodies were coming out and even if I could have indulged with a low carb creation I was not going to be hungry at 10 PM and need to eat.

If you aren't journaling you might be surprized at what triggers binge eating for you. Remember even if it is Atkins legal that don't make it legal for you if it causes you to binge. Splenda and celery set me off. Any trigger legal foods for you?

[Every1LuvzAngie]

splenda in my drinks like coffee and green tea I guess...its a habit tho cuz I can't drink str8 up no sugar coffee altho I rarely indulge in coffee...

I like fried meat, like bacon and sausage thaz a must...I know thaz prolly not too good tho right? lol

[wannabethintoo]

Welcome Angie and thanks for sharing your story. Have you tied the high you get from exercise? It may be a substitute for your other addictions.

Stick around. We'll help you get through this as much as we can.

[snowlily]

HI Angie! I too am a pain pill addict. Although Mine comes from medical problems. No matter how I get them, I still struggle with them. I can totally relate to your struggles! And trying to distance yourself from the friends that contribute to your addictions is a great start! I know that sometimes it isnt as easy as it may sound, especially when its someone your in love/or married too. My hubby has my same addiction because of his medical problems as well. It seems each week one of us is trying to break free yet fail. I'm basically trying to just "cut down" because we both do need them. I may be having ankle bone fusion in a month or so, so I dont see the need for them going anywhere. We just get carried away alot with them and end up taking way too many and constantly run out, etc. And as far as the cocaine addict, it can be tough as well. I was there before in my younger days! I was fine as long as I wasnt around it. So, I know how you are struggling. It isnt easy!

I wish I had some great words of wisdom, but from one addict to another, all i can give is a great big and hope that through our journeys with atkins we can gain control of the other things in our life that are still binding us down! Sharing your story was an amazing start!

[Every1LuvzAngie]

Thanks so much Its really a great group of ppl here, I'm glad I stumbled across this board you guys really give me inspiration...and its hard when ppl think you hate them cuz u can't see them...

But, Imma look on the bright side and say Im eating way better, feelin way better and lookin at things in a better light...

[Laurenfra]

5'3" 1/2!!! lol (yes the half counts...)

I know the feeling

[Every1LuvzAngie]

right!!! lol even tho all my pants drag on the ground lol