Revisiting the online game addiction

[kibskix]

I know this thread was started forever ago but it struck a nerve in me that the other posts havent addressed. Mostly theyve all been positive on the gaming thing, while i seriously hate it.

I had 2 (count em) -2- long term, serious relationships (and one of em was a marriage) ruined by online games. Sounds idiotic doesnt it? IT IS.
Games are fine to play, and sometimes you get sucked into them and spend a few hours glued to your screen, whatever. thats fine, and thats healthy (sorta lol)
But when you are one of the people who spend every waking moment online, and you have to schedule your real life around your guild meetings, and you start thinking of flying out to meet people you met online, and you start ignoring your loved ones to get lost in the game instead, its a problem. a massive problem.

My ex husband spent from the time he got home from work to 4am on Secondlife. Thats 11 hours, people. And anytime I wanted him get his arse OFF the computer to do something, anything else, I got labled the "nagging wife". as if something were wrong with -me-. He blamed my "nagging" and used it as an excuse to spend even more time on the game. I played once in a while too, if only to spend time with him (how sad is that) but he'd practically ignore me because his character had a "job" in the game, and he had "things to do"

Turned out his "things to do" were other girls. I found quit by accident logs and printscreens of ALL his cybering episodes with this horrible people, and soon after that discovered a whole network of online sweethearts who he had told that he was "divorced" and pretty much complained about how I had screwed him up, and they decided to come to his rescue, aka by doing him via the net. it sickens me. At one point he would lie about where he was going to go meet girls IRL that he met online. I woke up at 3am one night and he wasnt home. I called, and he said he fell asleep at his brothers. Nope. He was at some !@##@#s house in the city.

This isn't ALL the games fault, i'm sure. there might be 1 or 2 men out there who wouldn't do that, but when its in a game form, and your wife is upstairs alseep alone for the 300th night in a row, its all so innocent. No one will know, and it doesnt "count" because its just a game, right? wrong. One session of that, turns into something more, and pretty soon your wifes divorcing your cheating butt!

Its because of this that I have a horrible time trusting my current BF. He plays World of Warcraft. he wanted me to start as well, so I did, and we played together. But I had an internship at the time, and he was on summer break from college, so by the time I got home from work he was 4 lvls ahead of me. Pretty soon he saw no reason to play with me anymore because my lvl was too low. So he joins a guild, run by a girl, who flirts with him all the time. I had 5 seperate people on the game come to me and ask me ".... isnt he dating you??" because of her pt names and things, and the fact that since they are the same lvl they constantly played together. Pretty soon they got the voice chat thingy for the guild, and when im at his house, i'm once again going to bed alone while he talks to her all night long.

I've tried to explain this to him, and he has been sweet and acomidating when he actually realizes it bothers me (men are thick sometimes lol) but I quit the guild because of it and I was on the game maybe 5 minutes in the last month. I also made sure to tell said guild leader girl (who invited my BF to come visit her, BTW) the reason I was leaving, and that her guild thinks they're dating and i'm sick of people coming to me to confirm my status as GF. its STUPID.

I just cant stand to be around it anymore, at least where my significant other is involved. And its sad, because it shouldnt trigger me that way, it should be fun. But it is forever linked in my mind to being completely in love with someone who swore they'd never cheat, and never hurt you, and coming across the romantic conversations with other girls he met in online games. And the excuse I got? "It isnt REAL stupid, its just a game".

Because of this I now have a very strict idea of what constitutes cheating, almost to the point of being a little psycho lol (I -do- have borderline personality disorder after all) My BF is wonderful and has never argued with me about it, or made me feel stupid about it. He's never flirted back with guild girl either, which i appriciate very much.

But you see now how it isnt just a stupid game anymore. It becomes this rediculously complicated web of relationships with people, and my philosophy is, as soon as it starts effect my real life, i'm done. So I was done. Its harder than I ever imagined to just leave it alone, and trust him (he lives 2 hours away at college right now) but I just have to remember that it was my ex who did that to me, not him.

So anyway, theres my two cents, and my story. Everyone laughs about being addicted to online games, and I totally understand that. I wouldnt mind being addicted to a few right now if I could afford them. But beware also, the effect it can have on your life. Just 2 weeks ago I talked with an old friend who said after 2 years, gaining 40 lbs, and losing the best relationship he ever had, he finally stepped away from EQ. play responsibly!

[thexproject]

I've treat online games as such. online games. I play them when I want to escape from the normal grind of life. So what? Who cares, maybe I will spend a sat afternoon playing and maybe a sunday. You know what I had fun. Maybe I will play again after work, maybe I wont play for days on end. BUT I WILL agree with you, I've seen marriages broken by online games over the years of playing, and its not just men, its women doing the same thing. I feel for you, I had a similar situation happen to me, and I was upset about it. BUT now I realize it was for the best, because getting rid of that trash was the best thing for me an d free'd me up to meet the perfect woman in my life that I love more then anything. Do I still play online games? a few here and there, but I always make sure it does not take away from my time with her.

[sillygirl]

Originally Posted by thexproject

I've treat online games as such. online games. I play them when I want to escape from the normal grind of life. So what? Who cares, maybe I will spend a sat afternoon playing and maybe a sunday. You know what I had fun. Maybe I will play again after work, maybe I wont play for days on end. BUT I WILL agree with you, I've seen marriages broken by online games over the years of playing, and its not just men, its women doing the same thing. I feel for you, I had a similar situation happen to me, and I was upset about it. BUT now I realize it was for the best, because getting rid of that trash was the best thing for me an d free'd me up to meet the perfect woman in my life that I love more then anything. Do I still play online games? a few here and there, but I always make sure it does not take away from my time with her.

Perhaps that's why my DS has no GF! Again, gaming is an addiction just like any other.

[speedyturtle]

I met my husband playing an on line game. We play together some, mostly he plays with his friends. If I tell him we need more us time, he jumps off it, he has his priorities straight. Its a fun thing to do to de-stress. We are probably the oldest Everquest players there are hehe.

[amylou]

My hubby plays WoW. There are times when he is on it for many hours at a time. Sometimes it makes me crazy angry...not to mention lonely, but other times I think that I'd rather have him at home, playing his game...letting me watch my shows and do my laptop cruising. We have a 1 1/2 yr old daughter, and for the most part he doesn't let it affect her time. There are times when he needs to be reminded though. I've never had any reason to suspect that playing has led him to have any kind of relationship with any girls that play.

I would ask you, what is it that you want from him? Like what time would be acceptable for him to play, vs. time together. Ask yourself, if you marry and have kids...and nothing were to change, would you be okay with that? Certainly those factors may not change the situation of him playing, and if you wouldn't be okay with it maybe it's better to move on.

I get so used to doing my thing at nights after DD's asleep, that when he doesn't play and is in the living room trying to talk to me while I'm watching my shows or on the computer I start to get aggravated! I just think there needs to be a comprimise, not every night on, going to bed late.

Good luck!