Does One recover? (x-posted)

[Momma2threegirls]

Does a person with an eating disorder/addiction ever recover. I have lost all my excess weight now twice in my life. TWO TIMES I have lost over a hundred pounds...but I get to the bottom and I am just as misserable as I am at the top. It's like The eating dissorder just changes. I go from compulsively overeating to compulsively undereating and then binging. I go up and donw, back and forth, but I'm never content. I never feel "safe" in my skin. Do the demons ever leave? Will I fight this forever. Even as I child I suspected I had an eating problem. When I lost the weight the first time in the late 90's I KNEW I had a problem. Now having lost it all again - I know more about myself. I have identified a begining that I can remember very clearly.

I was an awkward, tall, and very skinny kid. Everyone teased me and my grandmother and mom repeptitively told me I was too thin adn had to eat. I learned to eat out of emotion. It felt good. When nobody listened food was there for me. When Iw as sad food cheered me up. When I was happy, food congratulated me. I have fought through using food "wrong" and medicating with food - I have even confronted my mother. I guess I still harbor a lot of blame. She says it was all "me" that she had nothing to do with it "It's not like I forced you to eat boxes of pasta after school" no..she didn't but how many second graders horde food in their room? I clearly rememebr hiding a full pyrex dish full of dumplings in my drawer one night after dinner. She and my Dad caught me, scolded me....but never considered an underlying issue???? She takes absolutely no responsibility or even acknowledges that she ever had a concern there was a problem. I realize I have to live in the present and make solid choices for myself now, today, and in the future....but do the demons EVER leave you alone...or is it always a tug of war? I feel alone.

[jimmie 48]

maybe they don't ever 'leave'. after all, they are a part of you. but you can learn to deal with them and not let the demons have the upper hand.

[Brook]

Like an alcoholic, I'm in perpetual recovery. I'm still learning to make peace with it. It still bites me in the . It still gets the upper-hand with me on occasion- but those occasions are fewer and farther between now than they've ever been.

I'm getting better and better at it all the time -but I have no illusions that I'll ever be able to let my guard down.

[JasmineFlower]

from my own experience, i think eating disorders come from perfectionism. what has helped me is to realise that my best IS good enough. when you think of something negative like "i ate that brownie, i am a failure at everything and will never get to my goal" you should replace that thought IMMEDIATELY with "i ate the brownie, and i learned that it wasn't worth it. BUT i am NOT a failure for making mistakes." just keep trying, and remember u gotta cheer for your own team!

i do believe that you can be free of it. it takes a lot of work though. look up 'congitive behavioural therapy' and try that. learning that things are not "all or nothing" and "black or white" is key.