If You Are Struggling Please Read This

[DebOnAtkins]

Johnny,

Wow it is hard to know what to say in a situation like this. Your husband's attitude certainly isn't helpful to you and I think is emotional abuse. I got angry at my husband a couple of days ago when he brought out a couple of pictures of me in a bathing suit from our storage room. They were taken about 7 years ago. I was much thinner, probably about 30 lbs. I know it was his roundabout way of telling me that I weigh too much right now and I need to lose weight. I already know this and it doesn't help when other people are beating you down. It creates a vicious cycle, at least it does in my case. I get depressed about my weight and then turn to food to get rid of the depression. Some days it seems like it is my only joy in life, the last area that I have some control over. I can eat what I want, when I want. You know what I mean?

My husband is more controlling always telling me what to do, how and when I should do it. He is one of these people who thinks everyone else is stupid except him. He is also a narcissist, everything is about him. It's not all his fault either, I am not saying that but he is a contributor and I am aware of it now and have to figure out how to diffuse that trigger before it overtakes me.

This morning I too decided to get back on the band wagon and get my but in gear. I don't want these feelings sabotaging me anymore. I am really proud of you that you are going to do it too. It would be great, if you haven't done this already, to come over to the Second Time Around Forum and start posting there. That is where I mainly hang out. They have daily check in's and we can keep in contact and we encourage one another there.

Welcome back Johnny. You can do this!

[Alaskansonya]

Originally Posted by johnny13

I've been married for almost 20 years. I've always battled my weight problems, successfully and unsuccessfully. I'm 5'7" tall. When we married I was probably 175 lbs. and am now approximately 100 lbs. overweight. I'm currently seeing a physician and losing weight and exercising regularly. However, I've seen this page before. I've lost weight, only to put it and then some back on.
My weight issue is very, very troubling for my husband. He's told me for years and years that he's embarrassed and ashamed of me. He's told me that my legs and my belly and my big butt just mortify him. Not to mention that our sex life is non-existent. I guess that for many, many years I sort of considered myself fortunate to have a husband considering my physical appearance, sad to say. I might also mention in passing that I have a thyroid condition that is treated with medication. Thyroid conditions can make it harder to lose weight among other problems.
I think however, that in the past few years I've also sort of come to a point in my life and with myself that I want more than anything to lose weight and sustain the weight loss, but that also, I really don't define myself by my appearance. I am a mother and a good one, a wife and a good one. I help my husband w/our business. I have many other good qualities about myself that I take pride in.
This issue of my being overweight permeates every area of our marriage. My husband says that since he's ashamed and embarrassed of me that he doesn't relish the thought of days at the lake or waterfront because of my appearance in a bathing suit. He recoils at that thought. He states that it interferes in every area, because he doesn't have a wife he can be proud of. He states that he does love me for who I am and all that I am and do, but that this weight issue just is so troubling for him. He states that he'd like to leave this marriage. But that when he weighs out the scale of whether he be better off here with his wife and children or elsewhere, he figures that he'd be better off staying here and just coping the best he can with all the embarrassment of having an obese spouse. I have Placed his name as a bad husband in The rat book.com And i am going all out for the Atkins Diet.

Johnny, I am so sorry that you have to live with a husband that talks to you like that. However, I am sure that there is any number of us that always worry that our spouses secretly feel and think that way but that they are just not saying so to avoid confrontation. I know my aunt had a husband that said those things to her and eventually he did leave her and she is in even worse condition now. She has give up completely.

When I read this I was in tears because I wondered if my husband felt the same way. So, I read it to him to see his reaction. He said that someone who cannot see past the cover and love someone for EVERYTHING that person is, including their size, is someone who loves themself more than that person. He is putting his self before his spouse. I understand that to a lot of people an overweight person is disgusting, i get that...I am disgusted with myself as it is...However, a spouse should love you through those troubling times and help you to get to your goal. Does he join with you on your diet? Does he encourage you to exercise with him? Does he offer assistance in areas where you might be weak? He should support you and love you through it so that you have the courage to make it your goal.

On my own end, my husband thinks big women are beautiful and his favorite is Queen Latifa..rofl...However, he is concerned with my health as far as my being borderline diabetic and I also have a thyroid issue too. Also, he knows that I am not happy at this weight, however he has asked that I don't turn into a skinny minnie! rofl (he privately told me that he likes squishy hugs better than hugging a skeleton!)

Soo anyhow, the reason that I am responding to your letter is to encourage you to hang in there, be strong and DO NOT DO IT FOR HIM!!! Do this to make yourself feel better, both inside and out. Do this because you love yourself. Do this because you are worth it, no matter what anyone thinks or says!! Do this because when all is said and done, whether he leaves you or not, you need to restore your faith in yourself and feel good about yourself! Believe in yourself!!! I care. We all care about you here. But regardless of that, I want you to care and to love yourself because you are worth it and are a beautiful person inside and out! You are a beautiful mom and wife inside and out! You can message me anytime you want...Big huge hugs to you hun..

[y_ghazaly]

great post Angela

and I've always told myself that i didn't get fat overnight..........so i can't expect a "miracle" loss either all of a sudden....also i've come 2 terms that my body loses fat really really slowly......so as long as i'm losing at least 1 kg (=2.20 lb) a week .........then I'm ok.......as long as i'm not stalled or gaining weight......i can be patient..........also i've vowed not 2 complain about the weight loss rate after finishing one full month of walking 4 miles for 5 days a week plus half an hour of cardio workouts plus my full dedication to Atkins........no missing days without exercise .....no slipups or exceptions..............so far i've finished 1 wk out of 4.........we'll c..........i'm sure i'll get good results

just need 2 believe!!

[Amsexy]

Thank you for your awesome feedback and in put.

[Suzanne_H]

Sitting here reading your story and crying. I weighed myself last weekend when I was at my son's house. To my absolute shock I weighed exactly 268.9 lbs, this on a 5'6" body... way more than both pregnancies, way more than I've ever weighed in my life. I knew I'd been spiraling down the drain with my health this past year, but I was in such denial. I just kept buying bigger clothes, hiding more, losing myself in a sea of food. I've been on induction now for a week. I know I have lost weight, but I'm afraid to go buy a scale and weigh myself. I'm so afraid of falling backwards again, and this forum just seemed the right place to start. Thank you for posting your story and thank all of you for this forum. I cannot tell you what it means to me to know the support is here.

Love,
Suzanne in Tulsa

[zanezara]

angela,

pls help me as u sound exactly like me....i need motivation and support...i just CANNOT seem to get into this.......

your post as well as countless others inspires me however i just cannot seem to get into the atkins mood lately...i need todo this...will u help me??


Lodi

[Emily123]

After gaining and losing and gaining and losing (and now stable at a decent weight), what I finally learned was this. You can't hate yourself into motivation. Or do it for anyone else. You will only succeed when you do it out of a commitment to be good to yourself and cherish yourself. Because then food is not nearly as likely to trigger all those dysfunctional "I deserve it, "I need it," etc. responses. Instead it's far easier to make better choices and stick to a plan because you're acting based on what will respect, cherish and nourish you, body and soul.
Nobody's committment to a change is consistent though. This forum is a good way to reach out. There are also on-line tools specifically to help keep up better-eating motivation ( like www motivationtogo.net).

Good luck and wishes for much success - you're worth it

[WAM]

Angela! You have ben so honest! I know you will make it!!!

[dewolfe]

I have to tell you all about a book I have been reading and what Angela has said here makes me want to share this book even more it’s called ‘Die Fat or Get Tough’ It talks about what Angela has talked about – that you HAVE to BE 100% to be successful – 99% only leads to failure!! Just put your mind to it!!! And be 100%.....

Good luck everyone!!

[WAM]

Originally Posted by DebOnAtkins

Johnny,

Wow it is hard to know what to say in a situation like this. Your husband's attitude certainly isn't helpful to you and I think is emotional abuse. I got angry at my husband a couple of days ago when he brought out a couple of pictures of me in a bathing suit from our storage room. They were taken about 7 years ago. I was much thinner, probably about 30 lbs. I know it was his roundabout way of telling me that I weigh too much right now and I need to lose weight. I already know this and it doesn't help when other people are beating you down. It creates a vicious cycle, at least it does in my case. I get depressed about my weight and then turn to food to get rid of the depression. Some days it seems like it is my only joy in life, the last area that I have some control over. I can eat what I want, when I want. You know what I mean?

My husband is more controlling always telling me what to do, how and when I should do it. He is one of these people who thinks everyone else is stupid except him. He is also a narcissist, everything is about him. It's not all his fault either, I am not saying that but he is a contributor and I am aware of it now and have to figure out how to diffuse that trigger before it overtakes me.

This morning I too decided to get back on the band wagon and get my but in gear. I don't want these feelings sabotaging me anymore. I am really proud of you that you are going to do it too. It would be great, if you haven't done this already, to come over to the Second Time Around Forum and start posting there. That is where I mainly hang out. They have daily check in's and we can keep in contact and we encourage one another there.

Welcome back Johnny. You can do this!

We need to stop blaming others for our downfall! I have lost 80lbs because I woke up one morning and saw ME in the mirrow after my shower. That was 1 1/2 year ago. My husband was concerened about my health, I do not belive that he ment to take me down because he said sometimes that I was a babe when he got married to me. I also have a Thyroid condition, but I looked at my weight as MY PROBLEM, I ATE MYSELF INTO THE OBISETY! It was nobody's fault but myself and I sometimes thought that I let my husband down, he married me when I took care of myself. There is a fundamental problem here if we blame others. We need to get real, take the bull by it's horns and work on our problems. I think I have done all this to myself... the weight and the weight loss.
Now how I lost my 80lbs was because I disgusted myself. I started the Adkins Diet and took one day at a time, I did know it will take me a long time to loose. I had days where the pounds did not move anymore... so I started to excersise 2 times a week then it ended up to 7 times a week. No dinner if I was'nt at the GYM, I worked out right after work, my GYM bag in the car with me everyday. I did this allways, it was my way of live.
I DID THIS FOR ME!
Well now I serve in the Army as one of the older ones I am doing the hardes thing I ever done, but fit and healthy now. I boght a Motorcycle and I go on rides, and have ben told now that I am cool. (allways wanted to do this but was to big for a motorcycle).

My point: To change yourself you need to stop blaming other things in your circle, you need to blame yourself and get real about yourself. Your husbands may not be tactful about your problems, but they are still there with you. Men say what they think, there is no underlining message there. Trust me I work with them I hear what is heavy on their heart, they do not talk about their sweathearts at home in a negative way, they get frustrated not beeing able to FIX it for them.