I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

[dreamof145]

Adena...so happy to hear you are re-committing 100% to the program. I think that losing the weight sometimes gives us a false sense that we are indestructable and can go back to the old ways without worry. I had that problem on other programs that I tried and failed at. Its hard to accept the fact that we will always be carb addicts and that we will always have food issues. I know I have to re-commit every day...give myself pep talks and remind myself that returning to the old ways will put me in reverse. One of the best things that has happened to me with my involvement in the ADBB is that I've learned to low-carb the foods I always enjoyed before and now it is just a habit to use lettuce wraps instead of bread, make crustless pizza and reach for veggies first when I am hungry instead of other fillers. Thank goodness for that.

Being a part of the ADBB is like being a part of a family...we don't grow up and leave, we learn from our journey and share that knowledge with others who are just joining the family. Every lesson we learn through our journey helps us keep the passion alive and spread it to others. You've come a long way - over 80 pounds lost...I consider you a winner and a valuable asset to the board.

Re-evaluating the plan is something that I think we all have to do periodically and adjust our portions, foods, and exercise routine. I know I am constantly improving or changing my routine as my life issues change. I understand where you are coming from - it is a daily struggle, but thank goodness we are all on the same team and working together to make our goals. We can all do this.

[partytrouble]

adena,
welcome back!! i so appreciate your post, and, as all of us are STAC'rs, we have all been where you are....lost, gained back, and with a great amount of shame and disappointment restarted. the good news is, YOU'RE HERE!!!! just think adena, 3 days into induction and you won't CARE about carbs. you will have the appetite suppression, will be craving that tuna and mayo, and will look and feel better!!! you will anticipate jumping on the scale every morning with excitement and posting your successes here with anticipation.
to echo everyone else, we are the coolest group on this board anyway!!! welcome!!!!

[misplaced southerner]

hey adena! i love you girl!!!! i think you are the bravest, coolest, toughest, greatest thing since sliced bread. honesty is soooooo hard but you throw it out there all the time. i am not officially a stac'er but i probably should be too.....i keep saying i am getting it together, tightening up etc...why not just say...I AM JOINING STAC! i really admire these folks here....winning is one thing but falling down and having the guts and FORTITUDE to get up and KEEP MOVING FORWARD....that takes a very special kind of perserverance......something we should all have more of.

i am so proud of you my friend. your denial is over. your wake up call came. your head tells you one thing and your who knows what is telling you another. these people here are the BEST! what terrific support. i KNOW my friend that you will pull yourself out of this funk and move forward!

i was thinking the other day about how many of us are REALLY struggling with so many things right now. is it the time of the year? is it the world and what is going on around us? most of us are working and trying to be mom, wife, sister, friend, aunt...you name it....and atkineer too...it is a lot to do. we know that the committment is so worth it.

so....it is high time I pull MY head out of the sand and RECOMMIT too...can i come along with you? thanks so much for this post adena...adena the brave. as dr. phil says...it is time for me to GET REAL.......let's get real. we will NOT go down. no way....we WILL be winners....you ARE a winner ....don't let this get the best of you.

ummmm....have i told you yet i am REALLY proud of you?

[Msideallibra]

Wow I truly know where your mind is Adena. I've been going through that same battle in my mind for the last year. I finally had to start looking in the mirror again and admit what I see. Not someone who is a failure but someone who was good enough to do it right the first time and knows just what to do again. I already know what to expect so I don't feel like I'm trying to find my way in the dark. We just need to find that spark again w/o hitting rock bottom and your far from rock bottom. Be proud of what you did in the past it is no excuse. Its confirmation of what you are capable of.
Press on.

Ideal~

[Outback Jess]

Girl, Look at all the motion you have stirred up around here! Brought all our friends along with you....raising a new level of committment.
What is it about this journey? It's definately a journey.
Well Caitlin and I are back too, back to structure and order. Glad to have you here!

[FatBottomGirl]

WOW! I hope the moderators consider making this a sticky for this forum. I believe that your eloquently stated and honest look at reality is something alot of us feel but may not be able to put into such raw emotions and words. THANK YOU!!!!!

I honestly don't think you failed - as failing implies that you have given up hope and have accepted defeat - which is so obviously not the case. You are and have been and inspiration to alot us us newbies. You have successfully taken off 85 (count them 85 pounds) done things that most of us couldn't realize or even try to attempt.

I think sometimes is an issue of self worth (at least for me) - am I worthy enough to feel comfortable in my skin - do I deserve to look good to others... For many of us we have hidden behind our weight for so many years its hard to get out of that mind frame and are uncomfortable with the success and praises from others on our "new" improved look.

I commend you for opening up for the "world" to see and as Outback stated you have helped open eyes of others and brought them along for the ride -- so again in MY eyes I see you as an inspiration to me and surely many others out there.


So finally after being longwinded here I just want to say one more time: THANK YOU for the thought inspiring post and giving others the courage to admit they may not be able to do this on their own... may fall occassionally ~ but will hopefully, because of this post, get back up on their feet and keep trying.

(((HUGS))))

[RachelnLa]

Great post, Adena! Been there many times I ate when hungry... stuffed my face with all kinds of veggies and meats and cheese and fats to get the ketosis going and rid my thoughts of carbs! It worked. Like you.. I'm struggling right now.. I must be out of ketosis. I am working xtra hard. That "high" of doing so good is greatly missed. Not that I have faultered by eating forbidden foods.. just not enough foods and water and exercise. Makes me feel icky.. the cycle begins.

Coming here and gaining strength really helps. It will help you too!

[Adena]

Oh my gosh... you guys are terrific. Why didn't I come here a long time ago? Thank you SO much...

Snap, I distinctly remember hugging my husband one day this summer/fall and saying to him, "I don't think I'll ever be fat again." And he agreed. I felt so sure and so at peace. It started to fall apart soon after. That's where I want to get back to. Thank goodness my clothes still fit, but some not very comfortably. You're right -- we'll both be back in them, until they're falling off of us and on their way to Goodwill.... I appreciate the vote of confidence.

Thanks, Oz. I've always tried to be honest with myself... but lately I've been doing too much whining and not enough planning/action. I am hoping some really raw truths -- among people who are struggling with some of the same things -- will help me finally turn the corner again.

Evermind -- that's exactly it! Either the will power is there, or it's not. And lately, it hasn't been. I've been waiting for months for a bolt of lightening to strike, to snap me out of it... and it's not happening. So now, I'm doing my darndest to conjur it up myself. 5 days sounds reasonable... doable. I will focus on that, one day at a time. So far, so good.

Thanks, Becky... you're right. As Joy once told me, there is a difference between accepting my lot and truly surrendering to it... And it's part of a long process. I am at least proud that I'm still here... I know I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago if it wasn't for you great folks at ADBB.

Trouble, I agree this is an awesome group of folks! It's true... just a few days and I know the noise will quiet down substantially. My problem is that I get over-confident at that point and then do something stupid...

Ideal, I am glad I haven't hit bottom yet, but my spirit feels like it's there, you know? But I know that I can do this... and this time, I want it to be forever. My question is, how do I do that? Just like at the start of my Atkins journey, it feels so overwhelming....

Betsy, it's true... balancing everything is HARD. But being at peace with my eating reflects positively on all aspects of my life. I just have to get over the hurdle to get there again. Yes, I would love to buckle down with you. Let's do this!

Jess, the folks here are terrific -- I see why you defected from journal chats. Of course, I love those, too, but I hope that spending time here will really help me battle some of these demons, once and for all....

----------------

Food is good today. I haven't had any veggies, though. I'm sick with a sinus infection, so nothing is appealing. Right now, I'm going home to drink some chicken broth and head to bed...

Thanks again, everyone. I really appreciate your support.

Edited to add: Mellany and Rachel -- thanks so much. I honesty don't feel like I deserve all that praise, but I appreciate your words. Yes, I have been successful, but lately, I've been a real whiney-butt... I'm surprised and grateful that my friends in the journals (and elsewhere) haven't said to me -- on more than one occasion -- "either pee or get off the pot!" But they've let me come back time and again, and praised me for doing so -- and now you are, too. I hope that with time, I can have better perspective on this -- and be grateful for the process. I do believe everything happens for a reason. It was almost too easy before -- not that I lost quickly, but it just seemed so easy for me to resist. This is a potent reminder that I can never let my guard down.... and my behavior this time has been more bingy than it ever was before. And that has scared me.

[spazzyhilo]

I'm so very glad you decided to come hang out with us here at STAC! When I first did atkins I was one of those "I'll never fall off and I'll never need to start over again." It almost felt like it would be shameful to have to restart. Well long story short, I fell off and had to restart again. Once I was ready to make the commitment I rejoined ADBB and faced the crowd here at STAC and I am so glad I did!!

They are the nicest group of people and the best support one could ever wish for. I feel like I owe a lot of my progress to these people and I know that we are all here for you as well!

I love your honesty and your openness. It's hard to say "I need help" and put yourself out there. It takes a lot of courage and strength to admit that one isn't doing as well as they would like. I'm glad you found that strength and we are there for you. You need a little extra hand? You got it!

Big hugs sweetie - whenever you need it

[mitzimarie]

Hi, Adena

Just saw this thread for the first time, a moment ago. Welcome to STAC! It is really a wonderful place. I am a bit ashamed that I haven't posted here in a couple of weeks. I just have my hands so full in Journal Chats, that I don't get to hop around the board as much as I would like to. I think you will like it here, and will get some awesome support.

Isn't it scary how fast things can get out of control? I appreciate your honesty. The first step to changing the behavior, is acknowledging it. Coming here, and "owning" the situation, is the perfect first step.

Hang in there, buddy. I KNOW that you will succeed.