how do you get through bad times without cheating?

[kibskix]

Thanks for all the replies everyone, i feel slightly more myself this morning. Ugh, I was such a mess yesterday, i cried for 5 hours. my bf, mom and I went out in the middle of the night with flashlights and shovels and buried her in the woods. I think we might go get some big rocks today if it stops raining and put them out there too so she doesn't get dug up or the rain won't mess up her grave (its supposed to rain Aalllll day, lucky us)
I understand that animals have to die at some point, but the hardest part for me was seeing it happen and not being able to do anything. I had noticed she was breathing weird about an hour before we started in to the vet, but I didn't do anything about it because she'd been breathing sort of weird for months and the last time we took her into the vet they said her heart and lungs sounded fine. So I feel immensely guilty about not doing something sooner, because by the time we got her in the car she would have already died if we hadnt worked on her, in some ways i feel like I just prolonged her suffering by trying to keep her alive. When I called my bf and he came over I pretty much just collapsed and cried and kept saying 'i felt her die' over and over. He's the sweetest ever, he held me while I was upset, and helped us bury her. He didn't have to do that, I know i've got a keeper <3 lol.

i didn't eat anything yesterday from lunch onward, and ironically this morning i'm the exact same weight as yesterday. I still don't feel like cheating which is nice, but i'm not sure i feel like eating either. *sigh* on top of all of this I have to go to the doctor to get a breast biopsy to determine whether I have a staph infection or some benign breast issue (seriously doubting its cancer, no worries). im starting to think its the former because i suddenly have a sore throat as well, i havent been sick in two years!and its my birthday tomorrow.

in the words of my generation. this is LAMESAUCE
p.s. i'll take everyones advice and try to eat normally today. i dont feel like i'll throw up anymore, just no interest in it. the bf was trying to get me to eat last night (he's such a good atkinite haha) but i was being stubborn. but i'll work on it

[rajenki]

{kibs}

Take care of yourself sweetie!