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Thread: Wow the emotions...

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  1. #1

    Default Wow the emotions...

    Hello!

    So, I am new (again). Only now I am older and more frustrated than ever before. So I spring into action mode I guess, right? Let's back up...

    I was diagnosed when I was 20. I am now 39. I had never had a period on my own. I wanted a family more than anything in the world. So really, my world crashed down around me when my (now ex) husband and I tried to conceive with the help of Dr's, and could not. But sometimes things that we want so bad turn out to be blessings (that we are without) in disguise. I divorced my ex after 13 years when I found out he was into child porn. I turned him into the FBI and I left. I later found out that he molested two little girls. SO- (this is going somewhere) my desire to have children dissipated, though the ache is always there.

    Throughout the time I was married to my ex, I looked at PCOS as a fertility only kind of disorder. BUT- I am fat (not putting myself down, but really), I have facial hair that I have to shave every day of my life, I have zero energy and a breakthrough/period bleed scared me so bad that I ended up in the ER because I thought something was seriously wrong with me!!! WHO DOES THAT?!? I did...! I felt so stupid- I bawled my eyes out. Anyway...

    I am now happily married to my very favorite person. Life is so busy but so good. I work 50+ hours a week as a Parent Aide. I am going to school full time for my BS in Psych and then on to my Masters in Social Work. I love life today.

    My mom has been on me for YEARS about my weight. The other night though, something inside of me snapped. We were looking through old pictures. Came across the photos of my first wedding. I had said to her that it was just prior to my wedding that I was diagnosed. I had started gaining weight just prior to the diagnosis. I upped like 75 pounds in no time at all once the symptoms hit me. With that, my mom ripped into me (or so it felt), about it having nothing to do with PCOS but everything to do with me being addicted to food. I make poor eating choices. That does not help my cause. Yet, my mom has NO IDEA what this is like. So now, I am throwing myself into the PCOS diet and using Atkins concepts as well.

    I am super emotional about this. Because I had clumped it all together as a fertility disorder- it brings up the fact that I am not a mom. I feel like some skeletons are going to fall out of a closet that I thought I already worked through. But I know that the journey begins now, regardless.

    Thank you for reading this.

  2. #2

    Join Date
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    Default Re: Wow the emotions...

    I shave everyday too, because of the weight. I think PCOS is caused by weight for sure. I had loads of trouble. Back in the day when I was of child bearing age I didn't have my second child until I'd lost approx. 30pounds. I don't think I'd have had any more children if I'd stayed fat back then. I piled it all back on again after of course because I'm stupid like that.

    I have no idea what the PCOS diet is, but imho I'd just go with Dr A.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Wow the emotions...

    I must say in my situation, my weight increased due to the PCOS. I was not big growing up and I never had a period on my own! 😢


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  4. Default Re: Wow the emotions...

    Stepahine,
    I am not familiar with all the symptoms and problems with PCOS. Never had it, don't have family members with it. I'm sure you have looked into every site there is and asked many questions to doctors which may have been helpful ... or in many cases, not so much.
    i always seem to end up at WebMD when i need to get info on something.

    Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS): Symptoms, Cause, and Treatment

    have any doctors tried to prescribe hormones for you? something is out of balance.

    LATEST ACHIEVEMENTS
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  5. #5

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    Default Re: Wow the emotions...

    my weight increased due to the PCOS
    That's horrible for you. Hope you get 100% healthy asap Stephanie and can beat this condition.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Wow the emotions...

    Thank you so much! I am hopeful. 😊


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  7. #7

    Join Date
    Oct 29, 2003
    Location
    Santa Rosa, California, United States
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    Default Re: Wow the emotions...

    Hello Stephanie!

    Just my thoughts.......Let yourself be emotional and maybe stay away from Mom for a bit. I know you love her and I'm sure she loves you but "laying into" you about your weight is not helpful. It's not helpful when you do it and it sure isn't helpful when others do it. In fa
    ct it can be devastating and discouraging. It just reinforces that negative tape in your head (I call mine a radio station K-FUK). I'm going to pray for you to stay vulnerable right now, feel this pain, get support and love and start accepting yourself as you are right now. And I would also encourage you and you Miss Jan to start saying outloud positive things to yourself. Play a new tape. The more you like yourself the more you want to do nice things for yourself like cook a healthy meal, go for a walk, get your rest, be around people who are positive and don't judge you. That's what I like about it here. We all struggle with our weight, self doubt and neglecting our physical and emotional needs. And yes it hurts. When I quit drinking I cried all the time for "no reason." I did have a reason I hadn't processed it yet. I also cannot have children and it's a huge heartache. Even now at 38 I still get that knife stab once in awhile. Especially when I always get asked, Do you have children? I wish people wouldn't ask that but how would they know how hurtful it is? Society can make us feel like less of a woman not having children and it really does hurt and sometimes makes us feel very alone and without this purpose. But we have a different purpose obviously and who is to say isn't just as worthy or more so than motherhood?

    Do you mind sharing what the PCOS diet is? I just start learning about it through that show My Big Fat Fabulous Life. She's really amazing. And so are you. Thank you for your bravery sharing your story. You've moved my heart and got me out of myself for a moment.
    Restarted Atkins 1/6/2017
    SW 229.6
    CW 210.4
    GW 138


    By perseverance the snail reached the ark.~ Charles Haddon Spurgeon






    x 9
    OWL Rung 1

  8. #8

    Default Re: Wow the emotions...

    Kathleen- I have a response that may take a bit longer than I have now to write it! But I will respond later! I will just say this- I would like to wrap you up and keep you in my pocket! Lol! Thank you SO much for what you said! More later...

    On a different note- today is free donut day! My boss brought in donuts and I have resisted! Though it is tough... I will wait and eat food I can eat when I am outta here!


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