"People Like Me", revisited

[softnred]

Here's the "people like me" thread... http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.c...ad.php?t=21517

In essence, we were discussing how the good things in life are for "other people", not for "people like me"...and how a great number of us have felt that way and are working on changing our mindsets about it.

Well, I've discovered a whole new pocket of the "people like me" mindset. Wedding stuff. Christopher and I have been talking about what kind of wedding we want to have, and we've been in agreement that we wanted a completely different, throw-out-the-book wedding. But wait...while I've always felt that when I got married again, I'd want this-or-that, I never at ANY time saw myself having a more traditional wedding. It's come out that at least some of that could be as a result of the "people like me" mindset.

I mentioned this to my mom and sister. My sister, of course, knew the "people like me" syndrome well, as she has it too. My mom was horrified, and said "well that's just low self esteem." Duh. lol She then proceeded to tell me to have whatever kind of wedding I want.

Christopher, the wonderful man that he is, has challenged me to come up with my "dream" wedding--what I would want if I could have anything, and money was no object. He keeps insisting that I AM one of "those people" and that I can have whatever wedding we want. This is very difficult for me. Is it that I truly don't want any of the trappings of a "normal" wedding, or is it that I think "people like me" don't get to have weddings like that?? I've been struggling with this issue for several days now, and I'm no closer to figuring it out.

Has anyone else struggled with something like this??

~JoAnne

[Kate113]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

Hmmm, what if you pretend that you're planning the wedding for someone else? A princess maybe, or a movie star. Or think back on all the weddings you've attended over the years. What did you like? What did you hate?

I haven't read the thread you linked, but I have to say that anyone who takes control of their life and making it better the way YOU are doing deserves to have whatever they want in life. People like you are EXACTLY what these kinds of things are for. Just my opinion.

[Analog6]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

You should plan the wedding around things you and Christopher like to do together. I read of one couple who got married in freefall (yes, they were keen on skydiving!). Hot air balloon weddings are popular. I saw one photo of a couple whoi got married underwater while scuba diving. They had to come to dry land to sign the register, though!
So think about what YOU two like, it is your wedding, not anyne else's.
Elope to a tropical island! I know Fiji, in the Pacific, actually offers wedding packages to couple's who want to elope there! You could probably find something closer to home but similar if this appeals.
A snow wedding might be nice if you can plan it for winter - it would really be white!
Medieval theme?
I saw some pics of one 'goths' wedding - all black and dreary to me but they looked happy enough with the result.

Happy planning - and we want to see pictures, remember!

[2big4mysize]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

er it ate my post okay

SOmebody retitle this topic planning the weddingof our beloved C memebers.

so tell us what you want
indoor or outdoor?
morning evening or afternoon?
church or hall?
white or not
traditional or self written vows
formnalor casual?
big or small?

okay who is next?

[wayless]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

Hi JoAnne,

I don't think it's that unusual to not want a "traditional" wedding. I've never wanted one. Never. I never even dreamt of having the big, white gown and a church full of people and horses and carriages when I was a girl. I just didn't. And I chose not to have that kind of wedding. My husband and I wound up getting married at the Justice of the Peace (which was also not my dream wedding, but we were broke...LOL). I would have PREFERRED a nice Caribbean beach wedding, in a non-traditional white gown, barefeet with family and a few friends.

I think some people hit the nail on the head in how you can figure out what you REALLY like. Think about other weddings you've been to. What were they like? Which ones did YOU like the best? What do you and your SO enjoy?

For me, my absolute most favorite wedding was in the middle of a forest. Instead of traditional bridal music, the couple chose some kind of Celtic or flutey, harpsichordy kind of music (like Romeo and Juliet kinda stuff). It was GORGEOUS. Granted, the bride wore a traditional white gown and the groom wore a tux, but they made their own vows. The groom's "best man" was a girl. The grandmother made the wedding cake(s). The "flower girl" was the bride's 21-yr-old sister. The "alter" was a stunning handmade arbor built by the bride's father decked out with white Christmas lights. Aside from the attire, there was very little "traditional" about it--and they were both skinny, by the way! LOL

Weddings are such personal things that I don't think people are afraid to use them as an expression of who they really are. I don't think you should be afraid to be you, either. Don't psycho-analyze yourself too much. I guess you have to decide who you want to please more: your family or yourself?

[wayless]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

Christopher, the wonderful man that he is, has challenged me to come up with my "dream" wedding--what I would want if I could have anything, and money was no object. He keeps insisting that I AM one of "those people" and that I can have whatever wedding we want. This is very difficult for me. Is it that I truly don't want any of the trappings of a "normal" wedding, or is it that I think "people like me" don't get to have weddings like that?? I've been struggling with this issue for several days now, and I'm no closer to figuring it out.

Has anyone else struggled with something like this??

~JoAnne

One more thing...what a wonderful man you are marrying! Congratulations on such a great catch! It just dawned on me that a lot of what you are saying was just said by Star Jones on Larry King Live last night. She's lost a BOATLOAD of weight and looks great, but people are *STILL* giving her $*& because her wedding was so elaborate. She touched on the idea that some people might feel that someone "like her" didn't deserve a wedding "like that" which was VERY traditional, elaborate and over-the-top glamorous. She got married at the Waldorf Astoria and she said it was absolutely her DREAM wedding, so she ran with it.

Just do you, girl! Don't worry about nobody else! This is YOUR day!

[Lady_Hawke]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

You and Christopher deserve to have a wedding as beautiful and special as the two of you are. And believe me, you two are beautiful, inside and out, and very, very special to all of us here at the ADBB. We love you both and want yous to be happy!
Its hard for "people like me" to accept that we deserve the best in life, that we deserve to be happy and loved. But we do. Girl, you have the love of a good man, a wonderful son, you are happy and you do deserve the best in life. So have the wedding you and Christopher want. Go for it! YOU DO DESERVE YOUR HEARTS DESIRE!

[Momtofour]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

I have faith that you and Christopher will find a wedding style that fits you both. You deserve this!

[softnred]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

Awww...thanks everyone!! You've really given me a lot to think about.


I guess my problem is that when we discovered that I deep down always thought that engagement rings and fluffy white wedding dresses and catered dinners were for "those people", it started me to second guess everything else and wonder if I really secretly DID want a "normal" wedding. Finding this beautiful dress: http://www.plussizebridal.com/Search...=&manufacturer= (It's style 2360, currently at the top of page 5) made me wonder if I would prefer that dress...and added to the second guessing.

Although I initially told Christopher that I didn't want an engagement ring, I've since realized that I really do want one...but not a diamond ring. He said that he'll take care of that right away. Awww....what a sweetie. I don't think I want the white fluffy dress either...but something soft and flowing and vintage-looking and romantic (and ivory or cream colored...to match my skin and hair)...I'll show ya'll when I settle on one. I DO, after all, want the BBQ to be catered so I don't have to worry about it.

Again, thanks everyone for your words of wisdom and your love. I hate it when I second-guess myself!!!

Oh...and for anyone who is interested, here's what we've been planning, before I got all weird~~

It'll be either in a pine forest clearing, OR We'll rent a cabin in the woods for a weekend...a neat cabin with a great view or a clearing. There won't be any giving away of the bride, no bridesmaids, no groomsmen, no "here comes the bride". When the song "Our Wedding Day" plays (from the soundtrack to "Lord of the Dance"), DS will walk down the aisle to the front and light incense and candles. There will be creation of a sacred space, but we're not sure how that will go yet. Then, some native american flute music with wolves howling (Christopher loves wolves, we both love native american flute) will play and he and I will walk down the aisle together, hand in hand. We'll have written our own vows, and it will include DS...Christopher vowing to be his father and love and protect and raise and care for him, and DS vowing to accept Christopher as his father and to honor and love him. DS will receive a pendant that is similar to our wedding rings....which will be hand-made rune-inscribed rings. After the ceremony, we'll have a casual old-fashioned BBQ/cookout. At the end of the afternoon, we'll send everyone away and Christopher and I will spend the night at the cabin. Oh...and both Christopher, DS and I will be wearing celtic-inspired clothing...something soft and flowing and romantic for me.

~JoAnne

[wayless]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

Oh...and for anyone who is interested, here's what we've been planning, before I got all weird~~

It'll be either in a pine forest clearing, OR We'll rent a cabin in the woods for a weekend...a neat cabin with a great view or a clearing. There won't be any giving away of the bride, no bridesmaids, no groomsmen, no "here comes the bride". When the song "Our Wedding Day" plays (from the soundtrack to "Lord of the Dance"), DS will walk down the aisle to the front and light incense and candles. There will be creation of a sacred space, but we're not sure how that will go yet. Then, some native american flute music with wolves howling (Christopher loves wolves, we both love native american flute) will play and he and I will walk down the aisle together, hand in hand. We'll have written our own vows, and it will include DS...Christopher vowing to be his father and love and protect and raise and care for him, and DS vowing to accept Christopher as his father and to honor and love him. DS will receive a pendant that is similar to our wedding rings....which will be hand-made rune-inscribed rings. After the ceremony, we'll have a casual old-fashioned BBQ/cookout. At the end of the afternoon, we'll send everyone away and Christopher and I will spend the night at the cabin. Oh...and both Christopher, DS and I will be wearing celtic-inspired clothing...something soft and flowing and romantic for me.

~JoAnne

First, the wedding gown you pointed us to is GORGEOUS! Second, the wedding sounds like it will be absolutely breathtaking! There probably won't be a dry eye in the house! LOL When is the big day?

[Lady_Hawke]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

Your dress is beyond beautiful! I love it! (more importantly - you love it!) and they way you described your wedding - OMG it sounds perfect! Just perfect!!!! I got the chills reading about what you and Christopher want - follow your heart Joanne and you'll have the wedding of your dreams! Stop second guessing yourself, you deserve to have all the happiness life has to offer!

[Mary-chan]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

Beautiful dress!!! I hope your wedding day is everything YOU WANT it to be!!!

I know what you mean when you talk about "people like me" and weddings. I always thought we would just have a small non-traditional wedding too, because I couldn't picture myself at my former weight doing the "here comes the bride" thing. I kept making self-deprecating jokes about myself in a wedding dress and my fiance not being able to "carry me over the threshold" without a system of pullies.. anyway I finally started to lose weight (for health reasons more then anything else)... and once I started to lose and think "hey I can do this!" I started planning my wedding with confidence and the plans got bigger and bigger!! I may be putting too much energy and focus into one day, but it's one thing that really keeps me going because I've never had a single day where I just felt truly beautiful, and I want that feeling on my wedding day!!

Your wedding plans sound beautiful so far!! Just make sure it's really what YOU want, you deserve to have the best wedding you could ask for, congratulations to you both again, you both seem like such a wonderful couple!!

[2big4mysize]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

wow that is so cool. SO you going with that still? I love the fact y'all are including DS in the wedding vows.

[Kate113]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

I can imagine the wedding you describe and it looks simply perfect. You are going to be one beautiful bride.

[brabea22]

Re: "People Like Me", revisited

JoAnne,
I had a 'non-traditional' wedding myself and am so happy that I did! You are 'one of those people' and deserve to reach for your dream wedding. My wife and I were married in a castle in full renaissance attire. What's more, all of the guests who attended (about 75-100 people) were dressed accordingly. We had a medieval menu, a jester, and even traditional music of the time. It was spectacular, and I would not have had the chance to experience it had I not reached for my dream wedding. Go for it girl!

-Bran