So Annoyed...

[semtingwa]

I went out of town yesterday and untill then, I did well on induction. I came to visit a friend here who insisted that I not stay on my diet this weekend. Not only that, but he cooked a dinner consisting of lemon chicken, mashed potatoes, rolls, and fried tomatoes all while knowing that I was on atkin's. Instead of arguing I just ate it and then decided to jump back on the atkin's bandwagon today.

Today i had chorizo and sausage for breakfast, a mock danish for lunch, rosemary chicken at maggiano's for dinner and then some low carb cheesecake for dessert. It was the best I could do when I had my friend watching me eeat. That was so disrespectful to have someone who is also overweigt telling me how I should eat! Has anyone else had to deal with this and how did you deal with it.

[julirama723]

Re: So Annoyed...

I've had friends try to pressure me to eat things knowing darn well I'm on atkins.

Now, sometimes I've given them the benefit of the doubt. If they offered me corn or fruit or something (and I haven't gotten to that rung of OWL yet), it's obvious their hearts were in the right place. But I've had people try to shove cookies, cake, pizza, struedel, you name it, in my face. I don't care if they're a friend or not, and I don't care if it's rude, but I say NO. As many times as it takes. I am worth it. I am worth fighting for. It's worth it to stick up for myself. I know that the plan works and I know that I'm a person who CAN'T have just one cookie (that's how I ended up fat in the first place) when they say "one won't hurt." Yes it will hurt.

So I would just say NO. Don't feel like you're being rude or insensitive. Would it be acceptable to pressure an alcoholic to just have one shot, or a drug addict to just do one line? Of course not! So don't feel obligated to eat something you don't want to.

[not2late]

Re: So Annoyed...

I went out of town yesterday and untill then, I did well on induction. I came to visit a friend here who insisted that I not stay on my diet this weekend. Not only that, but he cooked a dinner consisting of lemon chicken, mashed potatoes, rolls, and fried tomatoes all while knowing that I was on atkin's. Instead of arguing I just ate it and then decided to jump back on the atkin's bandwagon today.

Today i had chorizo and sausage for breakfast, a mock danish for lunch, rosemary chicken at maggiano's for dinner and then some low carb cheesecake for dessert. It was the best I could do when I had my friend watching me eeat. That was so disrespectful to have someone who is also overweigt telling me how I should eat! Has anyone else had to deal with this and how did you deal with it.

I hate to say it but I think we've all had a similar experience with well meaning "friends". No one can force you to eat or drink anything...unless you are tied down and they are shoving it into your mouth.

Next time one of these "friends" does this to you, tell them "thanks, but no thanks. You knew I was on this diet. You know how important it is to me to lose this fat. I was hoping you would support and encourage me but you aren't. It's obvious my health and welfare is not important to you. Sorry you went through all this trouble, but you only have yourself to blame." Then leave.

You have to learn to stick up for yourself and your health. If you were allergic to peanuts, would you eat a peanutbutter cookie your friend made "just for you"? Of course not, and any real friend wouldn't sabotage your efforts.

It's not easy. Believe me. When I began Atkins I had my relatives telling me I'm going to die and to eat whatever because I need to reward myself, etc. They still do it to me now. I don't pay attention to them because they are all fat, all have high blood pressure, all have diabetes and a whole lot of other weight-related medical problems. But most of all, I value myself more than what they think or what they do.

A couple of years ago on Mother's Day, my female relatives and our moms had a luncheon. They sat there and told me how unhealthy it was that I am doing Atkins, while they inhaled cookies, cakes, pies and other weight-packing foods. They told me the way I eat was unhealthy, as I was eating a salad, grilled chicken and some fresh fruit.

Stand up for yourself, because you are the only one who will.

[southstargazer1]

Re: So Annoyed...

I'm sorry but I'd question if they were really my friend. True friends encourage each other, not try to sabatoge them. Just stand your ground. My husband tried for the longest to get me this diet and I just kept ignoring him. Now he's suddenly had a change of heart and he encourages me everyday to stick with it. Your friends will come around and if they don't just keep doing what you know is best for you. Good luck....

[hubbys_girl]

Re: So Annoyed...

hi there! i think you have rec'd some really great advice. but I'd like to put my two cents in if it's ok.

first off, you mentioned that your friend is overweight. have you considered that they may feel like you won't want to hang out with them anymore once your skinny? people do what works for them. your friend want to keep you fat because it works for them for you to be just like them. i understand very well how hard it is to do this when people aren't supporting you. i'm pretty sure everyone here has had the same experiences in one way or another at some point and time.

it is hard for people to change. not just you but your loved ones too. while the layers of fat are melting off of you a new person will start to surface. you will be different inside and out. this can be scary for other people in your life, not to mention how you feel with all this change!

I think you did well trying to find foods that are acceptable. stay at the rung of ongoing weight loss that you have progressed to. food is just food. it isn't your friend, it isn't a way to celebrate, nor is it a way to punish yourself when you "fall off the wagon". it is fuel for your body to do what you like to do. and a friend who is using food to punish, keep you hostage, or ridicule you for choices you are making in your life just doesn't get it. maybe food is a few of those things for them.

anyways, when you are feeling frustrated or trapped in a bad situation, read your dr. atkins new diet revolution book for some good old fashioned common sense, eat a snack you have prepared that is in line with your eating plan at this phase, and come here for support as often as you like.

[dreamof145]

Re: So Annoyed...

I think we've all had similiar experiences with friends and family. For me, I made a contract with myself when I started this WOE. I have never given in to whims of anyone on what to eat. I educated myself on what to eat and what not to eat.

Yeah, I've had times when I feel sorry for myself and upset over comments from people who try to convince me that "ONE CHEAT" won't kill me. I know it wouldn't kill me this time, but if I continued to cheat and gain the weight back, it could lead to health problems, depression over my weight and the other things that I am working hard to eliminate in my life.

A friend of mine explained to me about what he called the bucket of crab theory. It made sense to me...

If you have a bucket of crabs - one will always keep trying to reach the top to escape. Just as he has made it to the top of the bucket and is about to make his escape...the other crabs will grab him by the leg and pull him back in. Thats the way people are. Instead of wanting others to succeed...they would rather have their friend in the same situation as them. Maybe if you made it and lost your weight, your friend would no longer be able to live with the excuses he is making for being overweight. You would have shown him the way and he'd feel that he had to lose the weight too. Its much easier to make up excuses why you can't do something than it is to put forth the effort and change in order to make it happen.

For me, losing weight was soooo important and I just had to do it. It was a committment that I made for myself and I refuse to quit trying. I've had so many obstacles come up, but all the time I've not given up. I haven't made my goal yet, but I will never stop trying. I hope you make the committment to yourself and don't let anyone stop you.

[Grant]

Re: So Annoyed...

This just happened to me last night. Was with some family playing cards and everyone had brought plenty of carby food to munch on. No big deal, I don't care if they want o bring that stuff for themselves. However, my brother also brought a novelty chocolate flavored potato chip and offered one to me. He knows very well I'm on Atkins, in fact we had JUST been talking about my progress. I gave him my best "thats a weird thing to offer me" look and said the most obvious thing "Thats a potato chip, on Atkins we don't eat potato chips". and change my expression to let him see that I'm thinking "DUH".

HE says "Not even one?" I say back in that tone of voice that means that you are SORT of joking but not 100% kididng around "I can't believe my own brother would try to sabotauge me, sheesh!". He got a little defensive and said that he just wanted to see what I thought but that he doesn't think that Atkins diet is healthy anyway. SIGH. So I said "Well, you only feel that way because you don't know what you are talking about. YOu hear lots of bad things second hand but you need to do some real research" and gave him a big smile.

We let it blow over after that but later on when we were leaving I said that it wasn't so much that having one potato chip is going to wreck my diet but that that one potato chip may make me start craving MORE potato chips so that I'm struggling for six hours and that it just wasn't worth it. He apologized and everything was good.

[Elizellen]

Re: So Annoyed...

We let it blow over after that but later on when we were leaving I said that it wasn't so much that having one potato chip is going to wreck my diet but that that one potato chip may make me start craving MORE potato chips so that I'm struggling for six hours and that it just wasn't worth it. He apologized and everything was good.

That was a very good way to explain things, Grant. It is hard for others who dont have struggles with food choices to appreciate that 'just one chip' can cause problems with cravings.

[not2late]

Re: So Annoyed...

This is a great essay written by a former moderator, JoanOH

PUT YOURSELF FIRST

Over the past few months I've read numerous posts all along the same vein. It's such-and-such special occassion/visit/vacation/banquet/snacks by co-workers and I will have to go off Atkins because I don't want to hurt so-and-so's feelings, who cooked cake/dessert/potatoes/macaroni salad/pizza/high carb foods.

My advice: It's OK to put yourself and your health first!!

One of the drawbacks of being obese is that we may not feel we deserve good things in our lives. We're not worthy. The other person is more important. It's important not to hurt other people's feelings -- no matter that they are hurting ours/have hurt ours in the past/just don't care about our feelings or our health.

Trust me, people will not stop loving you/liking you/talking with you/being related to you/working with you because you say NO THANK YOU, I CAN'T EAT THAT.

If your cousin/mother-in-law/co-worker/president of the PTO was a vegetarian and came to your house for dinner, would you INSIST they eat steak and stop talking to them if they didn't? Of course not. If you father/son/daughter's best friend/neighbor was a reformed alcoholic and came to your house, would you INSIST they have mixed drinks before dinner?? Would you never see them again because they refrained from drinking alcohol? Of course not!!

So why why why are YOU not worthy of the same consideration?!? You are simply putting your health first by not eating non-induction or high carb foods. Do you not deserve better health?!? Is your health less important than anyone else with dietary restrictions??

Try the "No thank you, I can't eat that" tactic and see what happens.

First, you are going to feel better about yourself for having the strength to stick to your WOE. And this self-discipline muscle is just like the rest of our muscles -- the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets!!

Second, you're going to discover that no one thinks less of you because you don't eat their food!!! (And if they do? Then they don't care about your health and they don't care about your personal well-being...and they don't really care about you.) They might actually admire your strength (aka will power), admire the fact you are taking care of yourself, and admire the fact that you are serious about losing weight.

And one last helpful hint. You do NOT have to tell people you're on the Atkins diet if you don't want to listen to millions of myths and misconceptions -- You'll die. Your cholesterol will go sky high. You're only losing water. Blah Blah Blah. When people ask you how you're losing weight, simply say, "I've cut out sugar, flour and trans fats... and I'm eating simple whole foods, especially those high in fiber." They'll say "Oooooh, that sounds so healthy!!!"

And it is. And you deserve to be healthy. So stick up for yourself and learn to say those magic words -- "No thank you, I can't eat that." It's not being selfish -- it's being self-caring!

Joan J

[Elizellen]

Re: So Annoyed...

Thanks for reposting Joan's excellent post, Megs

[soliwit]

Re: So Annoyed...

It might me being dutch and in that way used to speaking my mind, but I never ever 'shut up to keep the peace' with anybody when it comes to my foodchoices.
I don't care that they get hurt in the process, they hurt me to begin with (I am talking about people that well know that I am on the Atkins WOE)
But I do understand not everybody is like that and so we indeed need some 'tools' to teach ourselves to stand for our choices and maybe to have to hurt someones feelings while doing so.
I love that post Joan made for us, very very usefull!
Thanks indeed for reposting!

[Purple Sage]

Re: So Annoyed...

I had that kind of thing happen several time early on in my WOE and whenever I was faced with it, I just said "I'm sorry, I guess I didn't really explain my dietary choices very well, I don't eat ____________anymore, it just has a bad effect on me...actually, it makes me fat". Said with a big smile of course...and then I would eat what I could. If they pushed me and nagged me my response was always the same...."Would you like me to explain the way I eat to you or are you okay with just taking my word for it?" MOst of the time that shut it down, a few times I got the oportunity to explain Atkins to them.

when I started this WOE I did it for ME!!! I will NEVER and have NEVER since I started eat something so someones feeling might not get hurt. It is my body, I am responsible for what I feed it and I am the one that has to live with the consequences.

[Lulubell]

Re: So Annoyed...

ditto to everything above...

the episode that really took me back was just about 2-3 weeks ago. we were celebrating my grandmother's 85th b-day and i politely declined the piece of cake. most of my sibs and family know that i'm dieting, so, no problem. well, my mom's husband, who knows the benefits of the atkins diet and has lost a lot of weight on it turns and says to me, "well you know, dr. atkins said it's ok to enjoy a piece of cake on a special occasion".

whaaaaat? did i miss that in the DANDR? and the way i fugure it, every other day could be a "special occasion", and then i'd begin the quick slide back into old eating habits.

[Elizellen]

Re: So Annoyed...

ditto to everything above...

the episode that really took me back was just about 2-3 weeks ago. we were celebrating my grandmother's 85th b-day and i politely declined the piece of cake. most of my sibs and family know that i'm dieting, so, no problem. well, my mom's husband, who knows the benefits of the atkins diet and has lost a lot of weight on it turns and says to me, "well you know, dr. atkins said it's ok to enjoy a piece of cake on a special occasion".

whaaaaat? did i miss that in the DANDR? and the way i fugure it, every other day could be a "special occasion", and then i'd begin the quick slide back into old eating habits.

He might have been referring to this part in the section on Maintenance eating in Chapter 16

The Bountiful World of Maintenance
Lifetime Maintenance may not be much different from OWL for people with high metabolic resistance. If you are one of the lucky folks with low metabolic resistance, you may be able to eat most vegetables-including starchy vegetables, fruit, legumes and whole grains such as oats, barley, millet, wild rice, couscous or buckwheat. You may even be able to handle an occasional potato. But, and this is a significant distinction, that does not mean you can eat all these things in one day. You still have to count carbs to stay at your CCLM. You can begin to use recipes, such as breaded veal chops, that contain some carbohydrate ingredients.
But the last choice, the truly hazardous indulgence, is sweets. Frankly, my suggestion to you is that you restrict your consumption of sweets made with real sugars to the occasional slice of birthday or wedding cake for really special celebrations. Those of you who have had a sizable chunk of your life made miserable by sugar may even decide, after graciously accepting them, to quietly deposit those pieces on somebody else's plate.

If you are in induction then a more applicable quote would be this from the section titled GET YOUR LOVED ONES ON YOUR TEAM in chapter 10

Tell family members that you need a strong show of support and understanding. You certainly don't want them tempting you with illicit food and saying such inappropriate things as "Don't worry, this tiny piece of cake won't hurt you." It will!

[hothead]

Re: So Annoyed...

I really wanted to say that there will always be people who want to see you the same as you were. It's hard when it's up to you to say no, isn't it? I am there with you as well. You will feel great the next time you say something to someone. If they're your family, they will value what you value, at least while you're there.