back in black (trying to hide the fat!!)

[boilermakerjules]

Hi! Well, I am her for a second time around. I was on this board or another one like this about 3 years ago. I started Atkins in July of 2003. I didn't have a ton to lose, about 20-30 pounds. I lost about that much and maintained it pretty well. Then, I got pregnant, and decided that I could just eat whatever I wanted. I know that doing the Lifetime Maintenence would be a healthy way to go throught the pregancy, since it includes fruits and whole grains. But, I thought, Hey, since I am going to get fat anyway, might as well enjoy it! Well, of course I gained more than I should've, so now I am back where I was in July of 2003...about 20-30 lbs. overweight. I just stare at all of the size 8 and 10 pants in my closet from the Atkins days and sigh.

So, I have tried since Jan. to get back on induction. I am in 2 weddings in June, and didn't lose the weight I had wanted. (The dresses fit fine, just wanted to lose it for my own vanity.) I just am having such a hard time staying on it! The last time it was much easier for me! I don't keep junk food in the house, make Atkins-friendly meals, but still have trouble with impulse buying and eating. For some reason, at the grocery store I would buy a pint of Ben and Jerry's because I thought I deserved it. Of course, I would eat it all in one sitting. I just have to come to terms with the things I know about myself: Food to me is like alcohol to alcoholics. I use it for rewards, to make myself feel better, etc. When we are at a party and the food is set out...I am TERRIBLE at grazing the entire time! I kid myself that I can just have 2 chips or 1 cookie. I also hate to explain the diet to people and defend it constantly, so I just eat something that I shouldn't to avoid that. Dumb, huh? I just need to realize that I can't have that one cookie...it turns into 6. It is crazy that I let an inanimate object (food) control me. My mind will tell me not to have something, but I go ahead and do it anyway! I have decided that I will not let food consume me. I obsess about it, and that needs to stop.

Now that I am done breastfeeding, I have no excuse. I started on Induction this past Sunday again. This time it feels different...I feel more committed. I definitely saw results the first time I did Atkins, so I don't know why I am having a hard time starting again! I decided to join this board again to get support and make myself accountable. Seeing this bookmarked will be a reminder of what I am supposed to be doing. I don't want to be a fat mom for my son. I don't want to be a fat wife for my husband. I want to be healthy for me. I am glad this board is still around and look forward to using it frequently. I have already gotten some great recipes I can't wait to try!

jules