Why Do I Sabotage Myslef?

[melissac]

Hi!

This is my 2nd time around and I'm pretty unimpressed with myself! I really thought that the first time would be the only time. I've started to realize that I have a problem! I sabotage myself. I made a promise to myself and a couple of people that once I was in a size 12 (I'm over 6'1" so that's pretty much perfect unless I want to have the body of a 12 year old and trust me, I don't) I'd get into "plus" size modelling. I got to a 14/15 and stopped Atkins altogether. WHY???? What is wrong with me? Now I've put back on about 14lbs and am miserable with myself. Well, not again. I'm turning a new leaf. I refuse to have the lack of self respect I had for myself again! It's not just about looking good, but I have honestly never felt better mentally or physically than I did last year. Ever. I want that back! I've also realized that I may have a food addiction, and by may, I mean I do, and the only time I've ever really felt in control is when I was doing this the first time. I seriously think I need a sponsor. I have problems. Has anyone ever seen Rescue Me? I'm Dennis Leary minus the anger and the alcohol. Just replace the alchol with food. I can't help myself. So I'm going to log in daily here, this will be my version of a meeting. I'll look to all of you amazing people for inspiration and guidance.

Okay, I've written a book. If you read this, thanks for taking the time to read my ramble!


EDIT

*This Spotlight-Introduce Yourself thread has been closed due to extended absence of owner. Please feel free to private message any compliments and/or comments to the original poster. If you are the owner and would like to revive your Spotlight-Introduce Yourself please PM the forum mod or an Admin.