Back at the beginning

[12YearsofBabyFat]

Hi Everyone,
This is a duplicate posting because I posted this in the wrong thread the first time which is funny because it was hard enough to post this the first time.
My story is far too familiar. I have done Atkins 3x now and lost 20-30lbs each time. I go back to my wreckless eating habits because of stress in my life and other things/ people become more important than my new way of eating. Also, I just lose focus. Each time I quit Atkins I am at a point where my jeans and other clothing feel lose, people have begun to compliment me on my weight lose and even though I am so far from my goal, somehow it feels like the new way of eating is burdensome and my weight lose is "good enough".
Here I am again- 10 lbs up from the last time I was on Atkins- embarrassed, discouraged, and ashamed. Why can't I get this right? Why do I keep quitting ? How many more years will I spend obese and hiding? I know this is supposed to be a new way of eating and not just a diet.
I have not begun Atkins induction again -yet. Tomorrow I will go to the grocery store and get ready for it. If I am really honest, I feel like I will fail again.
Any advice will be appreciated just please do not be too hard on me. Posting this is very difficult for me because I have to admit my failure to you and to myself as well.

[chinadoll]

You are the only person that can answer those questions and it is important that you do if you want to succeed. Do you feel like when you start to succeed you don't deserve it? Are you afraid of the attention? IS food your protection and with a thinner you you don't have an excuse left to cover you in certain situations? It may be hard for you to wrestle with the questions but it is important for you to find out what is going on. Keep a journal about your feelings and jot things down right when they happen and how you feel at the time. This will be an important part of your journey.

Its tough to admit you have screwed up but that makes it real and frees you to move ahead and make change. So now the worst is over and you can start to fix it.

[sporty]

You cant have the attitude that you are going to fail again. You cant do that to yourself. You have to take it one day at a time and realize this is a lifestyle change. You need to have a plan a and plan b in place for those times that life gets in the way.

You can do this!! Believe in yourself, and get back up and continue on!

Plus use this board as support to get you where you need to go.

[Jenileigh]

I think another thing is that once you complete the Induction, which you need to do as the book directs, is that you need to add some variety to your diet as instructed in OWL. Are you trying to stay on Induction and then falling off because its too hard and then bingeing on foods you miss? This is what I did for a long time. I tried to look back and see why I failed and I think this is the answer. I can't live on Induction for the rest of my life, so if you move slowly onto OWL as instructed in the book you will have treats and things you CAN have. If you find out how many carbs you can eat without gaining, still losing, you'll be able to lose more slowly, but steadily and have a weigh of eating that you can live with. I know its hard BUT you can do this!!!!

[imagood1]

Everyone on this board has "failed" - that's why we are overweight. As long as you continue to feed into the excuse that you "will fail" chances are you will - because you've set yourself up for another failure.

In place of feeling you "will fail" write down 1 reasons why you "will succeed" -- turn your bad feelings into good ones. Post your 10 reasons someplace where you can see it and read it during the day. I just did this yesterday - it made me feel like I actually have control over the boat I've put myself in now.

Good luck.

[12YearsofBabyFat]

Thank you so much for your responses! Each one of you had something very important to say and for me to hear.
Chinadoll- It is amazing to read what you wrote about possible reasons for being overweight. I have to say yes to all of the above. I definitely am able to avoid things I do not want to deal with by hiding in my large figure. My weight is a great excuse for so many things. I find any attention concerning my appearance to be very threatening and can guarantee a 5-10 lb gain for every compliment I get. I actually have more confidence being overweight because I perceive that no one is threatened by me and I do not have to worry about not being liked or liked too much because I am attractive physically. I do not want any attention concerning how I look and my weight keeps everyone 's eyes moving right on past me, just as I like it. Your idea to keep a journal is a good one. I will start one.
I have taken your advice, Sporty. I am working on my attitude and am taking this one day at a time. I thankfully have a plan and am reviewing Dr Atkin's book regularly.
Jenileigh, I have also made the mistake of staying on Induction too long. I have quite a bit of weight to lose and get impatient for results. I think moving to OWL will help me stay motivated.
Imagood1, I will try to include some positive statements in my journaling. Good point.
I am grateful for a vehicle to express my feeling unashamedly and get encouragement back. I put on a cheerful smile to people that I see regularly and I never admit to others when my feelings are hurt or any other negative emotion I may be experiencing. I assume people are just barely tolerating me in the first place and that if I whined about my struggles that I would be left alone completely.
Thanks to all of you for the encouragement!!! I really need it. Today was my first day of induction and it was successful. I think I will be able to do this again tomorrow. I have some hope.

[chinadoll]

The reason so much of our posts ring true is because we have all been there so you are NOT alone. We get it. But your comment that you already feel like you are going to fail concerns me.

I get the feeling you look at this as a means to an end, a temporary change until you get where you want to be. That is part of the problem. Instead of looking at it as being on Atkins, only to leave and go back to eating your old way, do this:

Choose to live an Atkins life, go through the rungs. Know that this is the way you eat for the rest of your life. Are you going to stray? Probably, at times, but then you need to go back to eating the right way and view it as your healthy way of living not just a quick fix. And don't make the mistake of sitting in Induction too long. Go through the rungs. You will be less bored and less likely to bail out on this WOE later.

Finally, you need to look at the emotional reasons why you give up when you are so close to your goals. Gotta figure that one out lest you repeat it.

[12YearsofBabyFat]

I tend to be a perfectionist and anything short of perfection makes me feel like a total failure. That is a big reason why I have "quit". I know this is the wrong attitude and I am working on it. Moderation has not been a strong part of my personality.
I have always stayed on Induction longer than 2 weeks and then I would falter as I moved up the rungs. Induction has seemed to be the easiest and safest place for me so I have stayed on it until I've become absolutely bored mindless. I plan to not do that again and progress to OWL carefully after the 2 week Induction period.
I understand that this is a new way of eating for life and not just a diet -although I could not prove that historically based upon my previous behavior. I actually do not truely understand what goes on with me mentally. Journaling should help with this, I think.

[Mick2360]

Your words ring very true. Sometimes we can get very invested in being heavy; it really is a barrier between ourselves and the world. each of us has to take a look at why we feel that this defense is necessary for us to feel safe. That is uncomfortable but highly rewarding work.

One other point, you are not just 'starting over again', you have a lot of knowledge and hard gained wisdom. The other very powerful dynamic is that you have put it out here to help others and you are doing just that; helping. There is a lot of support here. I think that you are very brave.

Have you considered starting a journal?

[12YearsofBabyFat]

Mick2360, thanks for the encouragement! Even though I am anonymous on this site, it still feels difficult to share my true feelings and ask for encouragement. Today was my second day of Induction and I took another baby-step by following the plan.
I just got a new notebook to keep a journal. I think this will be helpful.