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Being Accountable
Let me preface this by saying- Im not posting for sympathy, to hear "its alright, climb back on" or anything else. Im accountable to myself and need to be accountable to someone else and just get it off my chest.
So here goes. This weekend was a slightly trying time. I havent cheated since I started (and was very proud of that fact thou I didnt tell any one that). Last night I was at a Pediatric cancer benefits dinner with friends. I had lunch prior to going with the mindset that dinner was to be at a certain time (had found out foods offered before hand- safe things included brauts, steak, salad). That in mind, I was prepared. Until dinner was late. I ate a lighter lunch with dinner being at 6. Dinner was served late. Centerpieces on the tables.... a giant bowl with popcorn, peanuts and pretzels. an hour before dinner and I was HUNGRY. belly growling and all. so... I ate popcorn. Not a ton. but I ate it. Then had dinner. Well.... the centerpieces of giant snack-**** were left on teh table after dinner for the duration of the evening. And guess what.... didnt matter that I had a decent salad, a piece of strip steak and a braut with mustard.... I had more popcorn despite the fact that I wasnt hungry. I felt like an a$$ last night. I had let myself down. I still feel that way today. Im fine and moving past it. There was never a thought of getting back on the wagon, I didnt fall off, I was dragging my toes in the dirt. My once favorite food has reduced me to tears today. And that... sucks. I realize that I am an ongoing project and that like most projects, things go wrong sometimes. But God this sucks big time. Im one of those people that gets infruiated with the "oops I cheated" posts that some people seem to post regularly. I always think to myself "arent you important enough to yourself to make changes. why would you do that... etc etc". So I feel like crapola mentally. Physically, Im fine. (I think the damned popcorn even helped clean me out since Id been having some issues with that lately). Im just disappointed in myself and needed to share that.
On the plus side... Since I was near Chicago I hit Trader Joes and Whole Foods on my way home. Picked up some great meats/sausages and veggies. (I FOUND JICAMA!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOT). And some psyhillium (sp) husk caplets since the flaxseed wasnt working. New marinades and dressings as well. Then picked up two tomato plants and a rosemary plant so I can have my own fresh maters and rosemary this year!
So here goes. This weekend was a slightly trying time. I havent cheated since I started (and was very proud of that fact thou I didnt tell any one that). Last night I was at a Pediatric cancer benefits dinner with friends. I had lunch prior to going with the mindset that dinner was to be at a certain time (had found out foods offered before hand- safe things included brauts, steak, salad). That in mind, I was prepared. Until dinner was late. I ate a lighter lunch with dinner being at 6. Dinner was served late. Centerpieces on the tables.... a giant bowl with popcorn, peanuts and pretzels. an hour before dinner and I was HUNGRY. belly growling and all. so... I ate popcorn. Not a ton. but I ate it. Then had dinner. Well.... the centerpieces of giant snack-**** were left on teh table after dinner for the duration of the evening. And guess what.... didnt matter that I had a decent salad, a piece of strip steak and a braut with mustard.... I had more popcorn despite the fact that I wasnt hungry. I felt like an a$$ last night. I had let myself down. I still feel that way today. Im fine and moving past it. There was never a thought of getting back on the wagon, I didnt fall off, I was dragging my toes in the dirt. My once favorite food has reduced me to tears today. And that... sucks. I realize that I am an ongoing project and that like most projects, things go wrong sometimes. But God this sucks big time. Im one of those people that gets infruiated with the "oops I cheated" posts that some people seem to post regularly. I always think to myself "arent you important enough to yourself to make changes. why would you do that... etc etc". So I feel like crapola mentally. Physically, Im fine. (I think the damned popcorn even helped clean me out since Id been having some issues with that lately). Im just disappointed in myself and needed to share that.
On the plus side... Since I was near Chicago I hit Trader Joes and Whole Foods on my way home. Picked up some great meats/sausages and veggies. (I FOUND JICAMA!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOT). And some psyhillium (sp) husk caplets since the flaxseed wasnt working. New marinades and dressings as well. Then picked up two tomato plants and a rosemary plant so I can have my own fresh maters and rosemary this year!
, 5'9
TWICE!!!! (10/06 and 1/07!!!)
I wouldn't stress too much about it.
OOOXXX
F
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